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A narcissistic friendship is a different form of a narcissistic relationship. You will still end up emotionally and mentally damaged from the tactics they use on you. Yet you will still defend them with \u201cthat\u2019s just the way they are\u201d.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nYet it differs from a romantic relationship, I mean you expect romantic partners to leave at some point, and then you get relief, but your best friend that\u2019s supposed to be life-long<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nNarcissistic friendships are harder to spot. When a romantic partner says something mean it\u2019s easy to see, but when a best friend says something you know you\u2019re friend is just being honest with you, not intending to hurt you, Right?<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nWhen you end up being wrong though it causes confusion, exhaustion, and destroys your trust. Unfortunately if you come out a narcissistic romantic relationship, a narcissistic friend is like a pacifier of abuse that makes you comfortable.<\/span><\/p>\nI know that sounds strange, but if you were with a narcissist long enough you develop this pattern\/routine you are used to being abused, so it feels just like breathing or eating, so when you leave the toxic situation, You feel like abuse is the norm.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>21 Clear Signs of a Narcissistic Friendship<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n![\"Three](\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/generated-image-2026-01-25-1-1024x747.png\")
<\/span>1. They dominate conversations and shift focus to themselves<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen all they want to talk about is them and their life. You have a life too and you should be able to discuss what is happening in your life and get good feedback, not a redirection of the conversation back to what is going on in their life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nI remember talking to a friend right after I left my narcissist, about what he had done to me and said to me. She honestly told me that her husband was a narcissist as well, and all we ever talked about was how he wouldn\u2019t go hiking with her, that\u2019s what made him a narc?????<\/span><\/p>\nThey are seeking validation and attention, just like a romantic narcissistic partner, they need all your time, energy and attention, leaving nothing left for you to use yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n2. They rarely show genuine interest in your life<\/span><\/h3>\nKeep in mind a narcissist believes the world revolves around them. It would be, If you are trying to tell them something major that is going on in your life and they could care less.<\/span><\/p>\nAs I tried to explain to the same friend that a narcissist puts you down and plays mind games with you just to scratch the surface, a narcissist isn\u2019t someone who isn\u2019t interested in the same hobby as you. But yet all we ever did was talk about her now ended marriage.<\/span><\/p>\nPsychologically this is demonstrating the entitlement and grandiosity of a narcissist. They truly feel that they and anything they are going through is far more important and extreme than anything you can be dealing with.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n3. They\u2019re only around when they need something<\/span><\/h3>\nHave you ever had that friend that only shows up when they need to borrow something, or only calls when they need your help. And if you call them to help you move, they forget to call you back until a couple weeks after you\u2019ve moved.<\/span><\/p>\nSince leaving my narc, I\u2019ve moved a total of four times in two years. I helped a friend out majorly with covering his rent. The funny thing was he was too busy to help me move, but was fine to come over and have a couple beers and catch up after I was settled in.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist will show up if they can exhaust minimal effort and look like the hero in the story, a narcissist never truly wants to do anything for anyone other than themselves, so if they are going to help someone they need the whole world to know how amazing they are.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n4. Your achievements trigger their jealousy or downplay<\/span><\/h3>\nA narcissist feels that they are at all times the most important person. So if they are seeing someone close to them get acknowledged for an accomplishment and they can\u2019t take the credit for your accomplishment, then they show the jealousy by downplaying what you\u2019ve achieved.<\/span><\/p>\nI won an award last year, and went to a gala to receive it. I took my best friend and asked her to get pictures and videos of me receiving my award. When we got back to the hotel room that night, there were 10 pictures of me, and 38 selfies of her. I had to ask the organizer for photos.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist has a fragile self image, I know they don\u2019t show it, but they secretly don\u2019t like themselves. So when someone close to them is getting recognized for accomplishing something, they have to try to make themselves more important to protect their own self image.<\/span><\/p>\n5. They guilt-trip you for setting boundaries<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you set a boundary with a narcissist of course they don\u2019t like it, you are telling them they can\u2019t do whatever they want, they don\u2019t like that. They are going to make you feel guilty for protecting yourself, they want to take advantage of you and you\u2019re stopping them.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen I told my friend that if she wanted to go do things with me she needed to start paying for herself, she started in on the sob story of how she can\u2019t get a job because she doesn\u2019t know what she wants to do, and I should be patient with her and help her until she gets back on her feet.<\/span><\/p>\nA narc\u2019s only priority in life is getting their needs met if you are establishing boundaries to protect yourself, they see this as a challenge and are truly offended that you will no longer let them take advantage of you, they do feel you owe them but you don\u2019t. Protect yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n6. They use backhanded compliments<\/span><\/h3>\nA compliment is something nice said to you. But when a narcissist compliments you they have to protect their overinflated opinion of themselves, so with every compliment there is a back end degrading side note included.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen I put on my ball gown for the gala that night, she told me I looked lovely, if I was about 20 pounds lighter, I would be a knockout. Ummmm Ok well I\u2019m not so, how about we just say something nice and move on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist knows the proper thing to do so they compliment you, but in order to keep their own fragile self with the overinflated opinion they need to remind you that you are not better than them in their mind. And you are never as amazing as they are.<\/span><\/p>\n![\"Two](\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/generated-image-2026-01-25-2-1024x747.png\")
<\/h3>\n7. They play the victim when held accountable<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you have ever called your narcissistic friend out on something you have seen how this plays out. You start off mad at them for what they did, but they convince you how it was not their fault they were the victim, you just got caught in the cross fire.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nWhen I asked about why all the selfies and so few pictures of me since it was my event. She let me know how she would never be able to do what I did and get this award, I\u2019ll get so many more in my life, so she just wanted to feel like she was special too.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist needs a supply of attention and grandness instilled into them, but the last thing they want is accountability. So if they can make you feel bad for them, how can you be mad at them and if you\u2019re not mad at them, they did nothing wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n8. They manipulate through triangulation (involving third parties)<\/span><\/h3>\nThe more you are told something the more you believe it. A narcissist will actually make up a third party’s opinion or manipulate what they actually said to have a third party on their side, even if the third party is unaware.<\/span><\/p>\nMy friend was telling me all about how some friends wanted to get a trip together to go to Sedona for a healing weekend. Sounds cool ok I look everything up and send out\u00a0 a text with ideas, turns out she was the only one that wanted to go to Sedona. No one else even knew about it<\/span><\/p>\nThis is a manipulation tactic all narcissists use. They add someone else to their side, to show that they have support, this is also used in a disagreement, by bringing in another person’s opinion that aligns with the narc, you can feel outnumbered and over powered.<\/span><\/p>\n9. You feel emotionally exhausted after interactions<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you leave a friend or hang up the phone you should feel emotionally balanced, that\u2019s what friends do, they are there for you and you are there for them to help each other emotionally. But if you are feeling emotionally drained, that is not a healthy relationship.<\/span><\/p>\nI had a narcissistic friend, and didn\u2019t realize I was calling my other friend every time I was around this person looking for an emotional rebuild, until one day it just dawned on me, when I am not around this person my emotional stability is amazing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nWhen you are around a narcissist you are in a constant state of alertness, this is stressful, so when you get away you feel like you just got off of work rather than a casual lunch. Your body and mind are going through a detox of cortisol, so that takes all your energy and exhausts you.<\/span><\/p>\n10. They constantly seek validation and praise<\/span><\/h3>\nYippy you put on your seat belt, so proud of you. Yes that sounds silly to say to a grown adult, but honestly if you can\u2019t find anything else to praise them, this one works. The narc has no self value, they get it strictly from the praise and validation of other people.<\/span><\/p>\nI\u2019ve seen this in my friend, where if you didn\u2019t praise her at least once a day, she was in a mood, I got in the habit of telling her how smart she was at least once a day, to keep her happy. Unfortunately she was not that smart, but I let her find that out on her own.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nLike we\u2019ve talked about, a narcissist has no sense of self worth. The only way they feel good about themselves is by the opinion of others. They need this constant supply to feel like they mean as much as they think they should mean to others.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>11. Your problems are dismissed or minimized<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you have a problem your first response is to call a friend to talk through it right? Well when you call that friend are they helpful and supportive or is it cut you off mid sentence about your break up, oh that sucks, well Jim called and we\u2019re going out tonight, and your problem is done.<\/span><\/p>\nI had a court hearing in my divorce the next morning when my room mate came home from her date and needed to tell me all about it, as I was balling my eyes out because of a nasty email I had just received from my Ex, that literally broke my heart, but we never talked about that.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist taking over being the center of the attention is no surprise. With the lack of morals and self love they have for themselves. They are seeking love from you, and without a moral compass all they know is how to take care of their needs. No one else really matters.<\/span><\/p>\n12. They subtly sabotage your relationships<\/span><\/h3>\nThe friend that criticizes every person you date. Or is constantly telling you to leave them. If a narc sees you happy with someone other than them, it\u2019s a red flag for them. They need to be the only person draining you, they have to get rid of anything that takes your attention from them.<\/span><\/p>\nMy roommate, when I started dating a guy, she would point out how he was using me.The funny thing was that she was using me, but pointing out things that he did that could be manipulated into possibly cheating on me or using me for money. Keeping my resources available to only her.<\/span><\/p>\nThe narcissist needs a constant flow of attention and supply, some even need it financially. The narc doesn\u2019t want competition, the competitor might get more than them or something better. They want it all; they are greedy little gremlins.<\/span><\/p>\n13. They have a superiority complex over you<\/span><\/h3>\nThe narcissist friend feels that they are better than you and more deserving than you, no matter what is at stake. You could be an accountant and they are a writer. They will still feel that they know more about accounting than you do.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nMy room mate would always remind me of how she was prettier than me and more men are attracted to her. The funny thing was she did have more men because she was easy., not because she was\u00a0 prettier, poor little thing just needed to feel superior in her own mind.<\/span><\/p>\nThe narcissist sense of superiority is constantly on display whether it\u2019s the way they walk in front of you or provide you with what you think, deciding on their own that they know what\u2019s best for you.<\/span><\/p>\n![\"Two](\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/generated-image-2026-01-25-3-1024x747.png\")
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14. You\u2019re walking on eggshells around them<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you are with a true friend you should be able to be yourself and not need to act a certain way to avoid certain conversation topics.. If you have to hide a part of you and walk on eggshells that\u2019s a sign of a narcissistic friend.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen my friend broke up with her boyfriend, I was still with his best friend. I could not bring my boyfriend around her or she would flirt with him. I couldn\u2019t talk about how things were going with us or it turned into a sob fest of her betrayal. That is like living a dual life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist is great at destroying positive feelings and emotions to keep you in their control. If you are not comfortable talking about certain things with someone because you are scared of the reaction you will receive that is having to walk on eggshells.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>15. They make everything a competition<\/span><\/h3>\nWith the narcissist always having to know that they are better than everyone else. Everything becomes a competition. They have to dominate it as well or all hell will break loose of how it was someone else’s fault that they didn\u2019t win.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen I got pregnant with my first child it was a true miracle. I wasn\u2019t supposed to be able to get pregnant, I was taking the initial blood test for IFV, and we were making a large financial commitment to have a child. But my initial blood work showed I was actually pregnant.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nWhile most people were thrilled for us, she made it a competition. She had to have a bigger baby shower, she needed a $2000 crib, I wasn\u2019t doing things right like she was so I was going to end up with birth defects. It was miserable to be pregnant with this woman.<\/span><\/p>\nThe narcissist feels that they are always competing to be the best. It doesn\u2019t matter if there is an actual competition or not. I mean really who thinks that being pregnant at the same time while being friends is a competition and not an opportunity to\u00a0 bond. A narcissistic friend that\u2019s who.<\/span><\/p>\n16. They talk behind your back but deny it<\/span><\/h3>\nI\u2019m sure everyone has had a rumor spread about them. But when it\u2019s your best friend that is spreading and then telling you that they are trying to fight for you. This is a narcissistic move to emotionally bring you down to their level.<\/span><\/p>\nUnfortunately I saw a lot of this after leaving my now ex husband. Rumors flew around like wildfire about me. I had moved across the country so I was an easy target. I was fine, until I found out my best friend I was confiding in was the one spreading the rumors about me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nI had gone as far as to start telling each friend that still talked to my ex a different lie about something I did. I.e. took money out of the bank without him knowing. I waited to see what he confronted me on and figured out who was talking about me.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist feels a sense of importance when they have information that others do not. That is why they are the first to tell others this new information they have. It puts them in the spotlight as they want. But they usually rush to tell others and never check for the facts.<\/span><\/p>\n17. You feel obligated to keep the friendship<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you feel emotionally drained every time you are around someone, wouldn\u2019t you want to not be around them? Of course but with the narcissist you feel like you want to leave but you can\u2019t. No they are not holding a gun to your head, but still you just can\u2019t walk away.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen my roommate moved out, I still took her daily calls telling me about how everyone is screwing her over and nothing is fair, and I felt like she was in a struggle so I had to be there for her. It was the right thing to do. But it wasn\u2019t, I was feeling obligated not happy to talk to her.<\/span><\/p>\nYou are never obligated to be someone\u2019s friend. You get to choose who you spend time with. You do have to be firm in making the conscious decision to spend time with people that you enjoy being around, not that you feel like it\u2019s time to clock in for the friendship job.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n18. They mimic empathy but lack true concern<\/span><\/h3>\nHave you ever had someone that says ahhh that sucks, ok well anyways. Empathy is not just an I\u2019m sorry that happened to you. Empathy is actually having true concern. A narcissist\u2019s only concern is of themselves, so they have to pretend to know what empathy is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nWhen I would tell my friend about a guy that I was dating that I thought I was truly in love with, but I was pretty sure he was cheating. Her response was that sucks, dump him, let’s go to Nashville for the weekend and live it up to get over him. Yes she just wanted a getaway, no care about me.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist can take a bad situation and put on a performance of a lifetime showing empathy, but inside they are just looking for how to benefit from all this work they are having to do pretending to be concerned about you.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>19. They gaslight your memories or feelings<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you have a memory or feeling it is how you and only you feel or remember. A true friend will listen to your version and if a fact is wrong might point it out if it\u2019s relevant. A narcissistic friend will point out how their involvement should mean the world to you.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen I was moving on one move a friend stopped by and helped me move a couch, but when I was telling my moving adventure to someone, they had to interject how they were the only person that helped me. Night and day they were there. It\u2019s now about them.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist is lazy but feels they deserve to be praised for the minimal that they do. By gaslighting or hijacking your memories or feelings they can be sure that you see them for the praise they want and miss the fact that they were in fact not helping.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>20. They exploit your vulnerabilities against you<\/span><\/h3>\nWe\u2019ve talked about how you always have to be on guard and alert when you are around a narcissist. When you show a vulnerability to a narcissist it is like bleeding in a school of sharks. They are looking for any opportunity and if it hurts you that\u2019s ok they still get what they want.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>While I was supporting my roommate, she decided to move out, primarily because I asked her to get a job and start contributing to bills.. She ended up trying to shake me down for cash when I didn\u2019t give in. She went to my ex husband who I am still battling in court.<\/span><\/p>\nHe started giving her money, so she would provide testimony against me in court. False testimony but testimony to a judge, nonetheless. I couldn\u2019t believe my eyes when I saw her name on my court documents.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist does not know boundaries. They feel that boundaries don\u2019t apply to them, like they are above the law. It is part of the grandiose personality. They have to feel that they have gotten the upper hand in every situation.<\/span><\/p>\n21.You feel worse about yourself after spending time with them<\/span><\/h3>\n
\n<\/span>When you spend time with a friend it should be a joyous occasion that you look forward to and brings a smile to your face when you look back at the memory. You should never with a real friend feel like I\u2019m glad that\u2019s over.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen my roommate moved out it was at that moment, I was relieved that she was gone, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. Then I realized that isn\u2019t a real true friendship that is a narcissistic friendship, and I needed to distance myself.<\/span><\/p>\nA narcissist’s only function is to fill their needs and wants, caring nothing about anyone else involved. So as long as they feel good about themselves, it can come at your expense and that is what makes you feel worse after being around them, almost like they are eating you away.<\/span><\/p>\n![\"Person](\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/generated-image-2026-01-25-4-1024x747.png\")
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<\/span>Emotional Impact of Narcissistic Friendships\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nThe long-term psychological effects of any type of narcissistic abuse includes low self-esteem and trust issues. That\u2019s why it\u2019s important to know the signs of a narcissistic friendship. And find a way out of it.<\/span><\/p>\nThere are good friends out there, that are there for you and you are there for them, that is what a true friendship is not belittling and being held back so one friend can advance. Once you lose trust for a friend it is hard to trust again, but take the chance. Trust me.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nWhen a friend is pushing you to achieve a goal it is supportive, but when a sign of a narcissistic friendship is a friend pushing you towards something that goes against your beliefs but you do it to make your friend happy this is called cognitive dissonance.<\/span><\/p>\nCognitive dissonance is when you act in a way that goes against what you believe is right. Once you experience a cognitive dissonance it can lead to a trauma bond, keeping you from being able to walk away from this unhealthy friendship.<\/span>
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