<\/span><\/h2>\nAcknowledge What Happened Was Abuse<\/span><\/p>\nNarcissistic abuse is a combination of tactics used by someone to bring you down so that you are susceptible to being controlled. It involves gaslighting, love bombing, manipulation, devaluation and eventually discard.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nThe combination and pattern of abuse are what makes it invisible to the victim. As a victim we are made to believe that they are right and we are wrong, and that we are not able to even make a decision without their input, it is programming.<\/span><\/p>\nThis makes one of the hardest parts, the first step to healing, acknowledging the pattern and the abuse. As a victim, we are made to feel so worthless that we honestly feel we deserve what is being said to us and how we are being treated.<\/span><\/p>\nStep number one is the biggest one. Realizing the way they treat you is not ok.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nUnderstand Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (NAS)<\/span><\/p>\nDuring the abuse as victims our mind and bodies will fall into fight, flight, or fawn. We will either fight back, cower down like a fawn, or book our flight out of the situation. The back side that we end up with is the PTSD\/CPTSD from the prolonged exposure.<\/span><\/p>\nAs we live through the abuse cycles it instills in us confusion, shame, guilt, and low self esteem\/self worth. Imagine as each time your abuser is insulting you it compounds. By the time we realize what’s wrong with them we actually think it\u2019s us that caused it.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nAs the patterns of abuse continue it is programmed in us by their wording and actions of how things are our fault. What is happening though is the narcissist is regaining control by taking us down one more step until we are in the basement of life.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>11 Powerful Steps to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n(IMAGE)<\/p>\n
<\/span>Go No Contact or Set Firm Boundaries<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nEveryone\u2019s situation is different. I would love to tell everyone block, block, block, but I am still forced to communicate with my ex, and when we do we need to limit and avoid engagement as much as possible.<\/span><\/p>\nThere are situations in life that are going to require you to talk to the narc of days past, but when you do keep it to the facts, almost like you\u2019re emailing the IRS. You do not want to give them any details that can be later used against you.<\/span><\/p>\nEvery situation is different when there is custody or family cases, obviously you are going to have to communicate, but you can limit it. Billy has a cold, went to the doc, ok in 24 hrs, instead of a 3 page text of what you have been through.They really don\u2019t care anyways.<\/span><\/p>\nGive them the facts they need, and keep the emotions to talk to with friends and your support system. Facts are hard to manipulate, emotions are an easy target, keep it to a minimum, the narc is not going to be supportive.<\/span>
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<\/span>Allow Yourself to Grieve<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nYou were with this person for some time and had feelings, don\u2019t discard that. But you do need to process it, again realize what you\u2019ve\u00a0 been through even as you process the love you feel is now gone, as you learn you will heal.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen you are feeling sad you are mourning what you saw the relationship as, but as you start to understand the abuse you were subjected to, you can start to see the difference of what you saw and what was really happening.<\/span><\/p>\nGive yourself time and space for an onslaught of emotions. I personally lost count of how many feelings I went through. The stand outs were definitely Anger, Sadness, and betrayal. I felt so dumb and hurt after I started looking back at what I went through.<\/span><\/p>\nThe thing I found though was I was being authentic, I made mistakes yes but I was being real, my abuser was the one that was playing games and manipulating the reality of who we both were.<\/span>
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<\/span>Journal and Name the Abuse<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nAs you are going through the abuse cycles of narcism, documenting what is happening is a huge step in acknowledging it. Every journal entry you write is a record to remind you of where you are or where. The strength it gives you late is HUGE.<\/span><\/p>\nAs you are writing what you went through today, imagine being yourself 6 months from now. You are reclaiming the clarity of what happened and documenting the patterns all while you are releasing your emotions as you write.<\/span><\/p>\nAs I started to use journaling in my healing journey one thing it helped with was clarity that as things are said to me even today, they are not true, I have my own words to remind me of reality versus the false life I lived with a narcissist.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nAs you read your own words you are speaking to yourself in the future as you journal to remind yourself what you are going with, fully honest and raw. This record is only for you to reflect on, and if it is needed for records it\u2019s better to be honest anyway<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>(IMAGE)<\/span><\/h2>\n<\/span>Surround Yourself with Safe People<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nYou have to find your tribe. People that hurt you need to go, it\u2019s hard, but true. If you have a narcissistic ex, you have flying monkeys hovering around you that you need to avoid. Figure out who is true to you and who is helping the narc you left.<\/span><\/p>\nI personally moved completely across the country, found other narcissistic survivors. I tried to go back to the other coast with \u201cfamily\u201d and ended up moving back in 3 months to my real family. You have to figure out who is there for YOU!<\/span><\/p>\nIt\u2019s one of the hardest parts of leaving a narcissist that you have to face. They Lie! And people that believe them will not be the people you thought they were. It\u2019s eye opening when someone you\u2019ve trusted stabs you in the back because of what the narc says.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nThe biggest lesson to learn though is that if you have mutual contacts with the narcissist you left, they are also being manipulated and lied to and unfortunately are accepting it. These are not the authentic people you need in your life. Let them go.<\/span><\/p>\n(IMAGE)<\/p>\n
<\/span>Rebuild Your Self-Identity<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nWhen you have experienced narcissist abuse one of the first things you lose is you. You forget what you like, because you are so worried about what they like and want. You forget what is important to you.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen you first leave, give yourself grace. You are going to make mistakes, drink too much, and have a special time with a guy you hardly know. It\u2019s part of the process. You have been a caged prisoner, don\u2019t judge\u00a0 yourself now that you have freedom.<\/span><\/p>\nYou will recover. But you need this \u201cteenage year\u201d experience. What do you really like? What do you truly in your core hate???? I bet you asked what the narc thought? I\u2019m not kidding about this. You need to find out who YOU are.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nHonest question. Do you remember the last time you smiled until your cheeks hurt or laughed so hard your stomach hurt? This is your time to find what makes that happen for you. You truly need to feel joy!<\/span>
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<\/span>Seek Therapy or Trauma-Informed Counseling<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nBeing abused is a major life event, no matter how long it happened, the moment of clarity is traumatic no matter what. You need guidance, you need help. You uare\u00a0 tougher than hell for what you\u2019ve been through, but guidance yes, this is new.<\/span><\/p>\nYou may have been narcissistically abused or any type of abuse it doesn\u2019t matter, you were hurt, that\u2019s what matters, and if you cut yourself you would seek a medical professional or at least someone that knows how to help. Do the same for mental injuries.<\/span><\/p>\nWhen you are seeking a professional, find someone you feel comfortable being open with. You want to be completely up front to get the best help possible. Also look for someone who specializes in narcissistic abuse, who will understand what you\u2019ve been through.<\/span><\/p>\nYou don\u2019t have to use a traditional therapist either. You could look into EMDR, somatic therapy, hypnotherapy, the world is open, and there is not only one way to heal. Every person heals in their own way so find what works best for you.<\/span>
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<\/span>Learn About Narcissism to Detach Emotionally<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nEducation is empowering. The more you learn the more you understand and the easier it becomes to heal. You know you feel bad, but understanding why they did what they did and the narcissistic personality disorder they have helps in healing.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nWhen you understand how the narcissist has made you feel like your reaction to their actions has been shamed and turned around on you so many times, you honestly think you are the problem, understanding the diabolical schemes of the narc shows it\u2019s not your fault.<\/span><\/p>\nYou are probably experiencing guilt, shame or even obsession wanting them back. As you learn more about the actual disease of narcissism and its effect on the victims these feelings make more sense and start to go away. But it does take time and support.<\/span>
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<\/span>Reframe the Narrative<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nIf you are feeling shame, look at why you feel that way, really look at the situation that gave you the feeling. I bet you can look back and see how strong you were for what you went through, and the guilt the narc is installing in you is not real.<\/span><\/p>\nThe narcissist uses guilt and shame to manipulate you during your relationship. You are used to feeling this way. Now it\u2019s time to correct the misdirection of the abuse and start to see the strength in you not made up weaknesses.<\/span><\/p>\nAs you look back, look at every time you feel guilty. If you pay attention you can start to see the pattern of the blame shifting and start to see you were manipulated into shame, you should in fact be damn proud of yourself for getting out.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nBy reframing the narrative you can go from\u00a0 victim to survivor to thriver.<\/span>
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<\/span>Practice Daily Self-Compassion and Mindfulness<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nAfter what you have lived through it is important to start a daily practice of self compassion and mindfulness exercises. You need daily reminders of how amazing and strong you are.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nBeing in a narcissistic relationship is exhausting emotionally and mentally trying to keep up with the lies and manipulation, not to mention the blame shifting, you survived. Now you need to heal and daily self compassion and mindfulness are key to healing.<\/span><\/p>\nI personally set my alarm 15 minutes early and hit snooze. During the snooze I say 5 affirmations and 5 gratitudes, before I actually get out of bed I take 3 square breaths and get out of bed. It sounds silly but the regime helps me everyday.<\/span><\/p>\nYou are not going to always be on the healing path. You will have setbacks and that\u2019s ok give yourself the compassion and mindfulness to know that you are human and doing a huge thing that you\u2019ve never done before. Setbacks are part of the healing journey.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>Rebuild Your Sense of Safety<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nYou are probably feeling scared and timid. This is a huge thing you are doing, fear is normal not to mention your nervous system is shot. How many times have you gone through every emotion imagable in one day with your narc?<\/span><\/p>\nKeeping you on edge is part of the narcissist\u2019s tactics, if you\u2019re always on eggshells while you are with a narcissist, why would you expect your body and emotions to switch gears the minute you get away.<\/span><\/p>\nAs your nervous system has been in survival mode during your relationship, you have to allow it time to figure out that you are now safe and no more toxic garbage will be thrown at you. I\u2019m betting you can\u2019t even fully believe it yet, why would your body?<\/span><\/p>\nCreate a safe physical space for yourself and techniques that you can do without even thinking about it to calm yourself down. I personally get in my truck, crank the music to full blast, and go for a drive after 5 square breathes. But find where and what works for you.<\/span>
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<\/span>Relearn Healthy Relationship Dynamics<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nYou have survived an unhealthy relationship thinking everything was ok and normal. Before you venture into a new relationship, learn what the dynamics of a healthy relationship are. You are trying to ride a motorcycle after crashing on a bicycle.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nYou will need to learn what a real connection is, all you had was a gaslit cycle of abuse, you were guilted into staying with that person. A true relationship is two people who have a real connection and stay together because they are happy together.<\/span><\/p>\nThings like mutual respect and emotional reciprocity. Even saying the words causes confusion right. You haven\u2019t had that so how do you know what you are looking for as a healthy partner? Take time and learn about what a healthy relationship is.<\/span>
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<\/span>Challenges in Recovery: How to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\nYou have suffered, and you will have memories or flashbacks. You can even have emotional flashbacks where you have a feeling of fear that just overwhelms you out of nowhere, this causes cognitive dissonance, because you are faced with conflicting feelings.<\/span><\/p>\nYou are always going to want closure or validation of your feelings from the narcissist. A narcissist’s worst enemy is accountability, so you are going to have to heal by giving yourself a sense of closure, burn a picture, write a letter and not send it. Don\u2019t wait around.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nIn a shared custody\/co-parenting you have to navigate this carefully with strong boundaries in place. It sounds unreal but a narcissist will use their own child to regain control of you. Put as many safety measures in places as you can.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nTrust issues are real and trying to build a real relationship in the future will be affected. You\u2019ve been manipulated by someone you loved, you are going to unfortunately be looking for any sign of this behavior in anyone you are with.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\nTake time and try to trust and just know that if the relationship doesn\u2019t work out, it wasn\u2019t meant to be. Some relationships after your abuse are more learning opportunities than true love. Be patient, the right person for you will come along, just might not be on your schedule.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>(IMAGE)