{"id":2509,"date":"2026-04-06T10:59:52","date_gmt":"2026-04-06T10:59:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/?p=2509"},"modified":"2026-04-11T18:11:15","modified_gmt":"2026-04-11T18:11:15","slug":"narcissist-triangulation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-triangulation\/","title":{"rendered":"Narcissist Triangulation Exposed: 8 Manipulative Games They Play to Turn People Against You"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2730\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Re-EDIT-32.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2240\" height=\"1260\" \/>One day they praise you, the next, they\u2019re comparing you to someone else behind your back or to your face. You thought you were walking on eggshells, now you\u2019re not even sure you are good enough to walk the eggshell path.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissist triangulation is the use of a third party to strengthen the narcissist manipulated statement. They will convince you that other people agree with their manipulated story so that you think everyone must agree with them, so obviously you\u2019re wrong, right? Or were you just manipulated?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The narcissist triangulation is used to enforce control with division and manipulation. They will literally have you not talking to someone but tell you that that same person agrees with them. This way you won\u2019t check their story because you\u2019re mad at the source.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissist triangulation is a tactic that narcissists use to manipulate and control you. I\u2019m giving you 8 of their little games and ways to protect yourself from the narcissist triangulation when it happens to you.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2557\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Triangulation-blog-hero.png\" alt=\"Confident woman with two pointing figures\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_81 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-triangulation\/#What_is_Narcissist_Triangulation\" >What is Narcissist Triangulation?\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-triangulation\/#Why_Narcissists_Use_Triangulation\" >Why Narcissists Use Triangulation\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-triangulation\/#8_Manipulative_Games_of_Narcissist_Triangulation\" >8 Manipulative Games of Narcissist Triangulation\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-triangulation\/#How_to_Recognize_Youre_Being_Triangulated\" >How to Recognize You\u2019re Being Triangulated\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-triangulation\/#How_to_Respond_to_Narcissist_Triangulation\" >How to Respond to Narcissist Triangulation\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-triangulation\/#Breaking_Free_from_the_Cycle\" >Breaking Free from the Cycle<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_is_Narcissist_Triangulation\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is Narcissist Triangulation?\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissistic triangulation is the act of bringing a third party into a conversation to create insecurity or conflict. The narcissist is trying to get under your skin and if they are not able to do it with their manipulation, they bring in an innocent third party to back them up.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a normal disagreement or misunderstanding, each person states their case, and you work through it with the person involved. In narcissist triangulation you feel that you are pleading your case to the person involved and someone else who is now all of a sudden on the narc\u2019s side.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you pay attention, you can see narcissist triangulation anywhere.\u00a0 Family, romantic relationships, friendships, even in the workplace. Sometimes you can be wrong, yes, but if someone else is in agreement why aren&#8217;t you asking them what they think and just trusting someone else&#8217;s statement?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can see the link with narcissist triangulation in some of their gaslighting and smear campaigns. When they are lying to you or others about you they need something to back up their story since they have no evidence when they are lying. So they use someone else\u2019s \u201cwords of agreement\u201d towards their claim as their evidence.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2559\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Eggshell-path-metaphor.png\" alt=\"Woman walking on a path of shells.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why_Narcissists_Use_Triangulation\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why Narcissists Use Triangulation\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A narcissist triangulation is designed to maintain control and power in a relationship. It is not like disagreeing or disappointing one person now, when the narc is struggling to control you on their own they bring in their fake ally to put more pressure on you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are constantly faced with narcissist triangulation in each and every conflict it creates an emotional dependence on the narc, since they appear to have your best interest at heart and are seemingly looking to protect your image.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The problem is this narcissist triangulation helps the narc to avoid accountability and divert the blame, if you already know they have a second opinion you feel that you are to blame, making it easy for the narc to shift the accountability to you instead of being accountable themselves for their actions.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are competing for the narcissist approval in a narcissist triangulation of competition it feeds their ego that you want to win their approval or your alleged competition who honestly didn\u2019t know they were competing. Again, all about their needs.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another reason a narcissist triangulation is used is to undermine or beat their competition for control. If they feel their position is threatened, they will introduce a third party to undermine their competition and manipulate the situation to show the competition&#8217;s apparent inadequacies.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"8_Manipulative_Games_of_Narcissist_Triangulation\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">8 Manipulative Games of Narcissist Triangulation\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2560\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Comparison-trap-scene.png\" alt=\"Woman looks concerned, couple in background.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>The Comparison Trap\u00a0<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why can\u2019t you dress like she does, or why can\u2019t you drive like he does, you are you and do not need to be compared to someone else, this is a trap to provoke jealousy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are jealous of the admiration your partner has for someone else you have the knee jerk reaction that you need to improve yourself to get to the other person&#8217;s level and make your partner\u2019s admiration grow.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You now feel inadequate like you are not as good as who you were just compared to as now feel even more inferior to the narc, giving them more power and control to guide you into the direction they want you to go.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you&#8217;re in the narcissist triangulation of jealousy the best thing to do is realize you are who you are, you are good at things and bad at things, that\u2019s what being human is. If they want you to be like someone else, then they should be with someone else. Don\u2019t take it personally, it is just an attempt to gain control of you not a reflection of who you are.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2561\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Messenger-twist-phone-call.png\" alt=\"Concerned woman holding a phone.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The Messenger Twist<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My ex offered to fly my son and his girlfriend out to me for a visit. When I didn\u2019t do something, he wanted me to do, he called my son and took back the offer. My son called me asking why I caused the trip to be cancelled. All I did was say no to the narc.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The narcissist triangulation using another to get a message across to you, reinstalls that feeling that they want you to have that you caused the problem and need to fix it. Even if it is something they did completely on their own they need you to fix it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The victim feels guilt and shame like they did something wrong, because the narc has shifted the blame to you through this innocent bystander. You now not only feel the judgement of the narc but also their new flying monkey.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When someone comes to you with this manipulated message. My best advice is to straighten out the truth behind the manipulation. The narc has usually taken a true fact just reworked it to their narrative.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, I used some airline miles, and manipulated into I used them all, no I did not use them all he did booking trips to Vegas, I got blamed for all the miles being gone but cleared it up quickly with a print screen of the account.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2562\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Sibling-rivalry-play.png\" alt=\"Tense family discussion in modern living room.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The Sibling Rivalry Play<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This narcissist triangulation is when a parent praises one child making them the notable golden child, while they diminish the achievements of the other child making them feel inadequate to their sibling and trying to achieve to that level.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The narcissist is trying to divide and conquer, if you have 2 siblings talking in a healthy relationship, they can work together and possibly undermine the narc\u2019s supply.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By pitting family members or others against each other it creates a hidden war that distracts from what the narc is really doing, which is gaining supply by watching the chaos, and distracting the family members from focusing on what the narc did.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If a narc in your life is trying to manipulate a situation like this the best advice I can give is to talk to your sibling and be honest. They might even be able to help you and you help them, but in the end, you can be a team to protect each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2563\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/New-supply-spotlight.png\" alt=\"Professional woman with couple in background\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The New Supply Spotlight<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a narcissist finds the \u201cnew supply\u201d they are going to use narcissist triangulation by showing off this new person as being such an upgrade from you. They are going to make this as painful and public as possible.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The narc is trying to spark insecurity and doubt in your mind, like they moved on to better things. What hasn\u2019t changed is they are still a narc, and using the love-bombing phase to gaslight this new supply who still isn\u2019t you (what they really want).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As the victim you are going to feel inadequate, they just replaced you almost instantly. That\u2019s part of the design of this narcissist triangulation. They want you to \u2018t feel like you are nothing, like you didn&#8217;t matter, so you will try to get them back.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The problem is this new relationship is fake, they are just getting their supply needs met while they work on getting control of you. Walk away and let them be in their misery with their new victim, you already know the cycle, don\u2019t get back into it.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2564\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Smear-campaign-setup.png\" alt=\"Woman reviewing documents in office\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The Smear Campaign Setup\u00a0<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissist triangulation is the major tool for this campaign. I used to call home to see what the rumors my ex had spread. I had been on cocaine, table dancing, and heard I even slept around. None of this is true I promise, but it was entertaining after the pain wore off.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The narcissist is trying to damage your reputation and credibility. You have seen their tricks and games and can expose them. They can\u2019t handle that happening so they want to make sure no one will trust your version of what happened, even if you have evidence.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As the victim we begin to doubt our side of things. They even make others see us as the abuser instead of the victim. We begin to question ourselves and forget our focus is on healing not defending ourselves from their lies.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the narc is spreading rumors about you to smear your reputation. The only thing you can do is answer people that ask you about it honestly. The people that don\u2019t want to hear your side, can go with the narc and go on their own journey hopefully healing someday. Let them.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2565\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Divide-conquer-tension.png\" alt=\"Two women confront each other, tension.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The Divide-and-Conquer<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When narcissist triangulation builds mistrust between you (the victim) and another person. This can be the narcissist telling you that someone is trying to backstab you or is talking about you behind your back.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The idea behind it is that if you and the other person are not in alliance with each other, then you both will come with the narcissist as the center of your attention, giving them a double dose of supply all while having fun causing chaos for others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The impact this has is not only a falsely broken relationship with someone who might have been authentic, it also re-installs the insecurity of trusting others, leaving you only wanting to trust the narcissist, since they brought this to your attention and all.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If a narcissist triangulation attempt is to get you to not like someone for something. Ask the person about it, most of the time it is a manipulation of what was said or done, and sometimes it\u2019s even a flat out lie.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2566\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Backhanded-alliance-scene.png\" alt=\"Two women in tense conversation, man observing\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The Backhanded Alliance<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A narcissist triangulation can occur as an apparent alliance as well; it\u2019s kind of like divide and conquer with a twist. You believe the narc is helping you against someone who is out to do you harm or vice versa, it depends on who and what they need.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is designed to get your complete confidence, then to turn around and use you to destroy the other person. Either for their gain or revenge against a person that they could not control on their own.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You feel regret, you helped your narc yes, but at what cost to the other person. Did they really deserve that? Yes your narc is happy and you might get a love bombing, but it\u2019s just a reward for being an obedient pet.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can\u2019t emphasize this enough. Talk to the other person. When the narcissist is setting up these traps, if you can communicate openly with the other person, you will find that you are both probably on the same page and might be able to help each other not just the narc.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2567\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Crisis-creator-argument.png\" alt=\"Two men arguing, woman observing calmly.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The Crisis Creator<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I like to call this narcissist triangulation method the instigator. Pay attention when people within a social group start arguing. There is usually one person that said one little thing, unnoticeable but mentioned, and now it brings up old wounds and an argument of unhealed emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a narcissist is caught in a conflict that can expose them, they can make a seemingly unnoticeable comment usually bringing up an unresolved issue for two other people, shifting the focus and conflict off of them onto someone else\u2019s issues. Escaping accountability.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The victim though now is not only the narc\u2019s supply that brought up something, it\u2019s now also the two innocent bystanders that are now fighting about something that they had put behind them, but all of a sudden surfaced, moments before the narcissist was exposed.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Responding to this really depends on which victim you are in the situation. As the main one bringing something up that the narc is trying to deflect, you can say ok, that is their issue and we need to talk about this between us first.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As the two bystanders that are now arguing, pay attention to this shift and work together to put a pin in this situation and finish dealing with what&#8217;s in front of you. Recognize this narcissist triangulation for what it is, simply deflecting accountability.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2568\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Recognition-red-flags.png\" alt=\"Woman in front of mirrors, business setting\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_to_Recognize_Youre_Being_Triangulated\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Recognize You\u2019re Being Triangulated\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are feeling like you are constantly in competition for someone\u2019s approval, you are probably in a narcissist triangulation. You should not feel the need to compete for someone\u2019s approval of you. You are perfect, it&#8217;s up to them to figure that out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are receiving mixed messages from different people, check with people, you may have gotten roped into a narcissist triangulation without even realizing it. You could be the victim or the narc\u2019s validating story and not know what is happening. Ask questions.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you have friends that are there and then all of a sudden aren\u2019t, but now they are best friends with your sworn enemy, when you see sudden shifts in alliances you can make a pretty safe guess that there is a narc in the background manipulating the situation.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you join your friends is there a new tension in the group towards you or are you all of a sudden being left out when people are making plans. If you know you didn\u2019t do anything that may be the narcissist triangulation in full swing. It\u2019s time to ask what\u2019s going on?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Paying attention to the fact that the narcissist flat out avoids direct conflict resolution and keeps wanting to dwell or revisit issues not focusing on what they did but instead on anything else to avoid accountability.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_to_Respond_to_Narcissist_Triangulation\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Respond to Narcissist Triangulation\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><b>Refuse to Compete<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Get out of the way of the triangulation. You do not have to be the best at everything, be happy with how good you are and congratulate the person that is better. By avoiding the competition you avoid supplying the narc and might make a healthy friendship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2569\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Direct-communication-truth.png\" alt=\"Two women engaged in conversation.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<p><b>Communicate Directly<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> If the narcissist is telling you someone said something, ask someone what they said. Be direct, don&#8217;t accept the narc\u2019s version and go get it straight from the source to avoid unneeded conflict that might just be a misunderstanding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2570\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Document-interactions-journal.png\" alt=\"Woman writing notes at desk\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<p><b>Document Interactions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> If false claims are being made about you or your actions, keep a journal or calendar noting everything, so when it comes up again, you have it right there, to say no actually here\u2019s the facts, see I kept record of it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2571\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Neutral-emotional-detachment.png\" alt=\"Confident woman in blurred background\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<p><b>Stay Neutral<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Yes, easier said than done, but step out of your emotions for a minute and analyze the facts, ask questions if you need to but don\u2019t jump to conflict, be neutral until you know all the facts and get them directly from the source.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2572\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Boundary-setting-doorway.png\" alt=\"Woman standing at doorway, confident posture.\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<p><b>Set Boundaries<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> If you are starting to notice narcissistic behaviors it\u2019s ok to set boundaries and limit your exposure and their access. You are not required by anyone to spend time or expose yourself to someone who don\u2019t want to be around, make other plans and deflect.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Detach Emotionally<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Yes, it feels personal, but this is them personally, not you personally, let them have their issues, but start to accept that their behavior isn\u2019t about you, a narcissist is not capable of true connection, accepting this will help you keep interactions factual without feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2573\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Breaking-free-walkway.png\" alt=\"Confident woman walking in urban setting\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Breaking_Free_from_the_Cycle\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Breaking Free from the Cycle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The sooner you see the patterns the clearer they can become. The patterns of a narcissist can almost become predictable, document what you notice and compare your notes regularly to see if you see a pattern.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Accept that any interaction with a narcissist is the possibility of manipulation. Reducing your contact reduces the manipulation of facts. Go no contact or as minimal contact as possible. For your own protection and to give you a chance to reflect on their behaviors.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019ve now seen how deceptive and manipulative a narcissist can be, so build a support system that is outside of their influence. If you were able to be manipulated by them so will someone else, and the last thing you need is a flying monkey helping the narc, while you think they are supporting you.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The emotional resilience it takes to heal and escape a narcissist is not an easy task. Get professional support whether a counselor, coach, or therapist. And try to make sure they have knowledge and experience in narcissistic abuse so they fully understand what you\u2019ve gone through.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2574\" src=\"http:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Peace-after-chaos.png\" alt=\"Woman relaxing with a book\" width=\"1184\" height=\"864\" \/><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissist triangulation is a manipulation tool the narcissist uses for control. Facts, statements, and situations can be twisted and turned and then brought back by someone else completely different than what actually happened.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With all this going on it is difficult to function in the constant chaos of trying to sort out lies from reality, with the narcissist reinforcing the lies, even using other people.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019ve had the power and strength to survive this world of chaos and confrontation. You are more than strong enough to walk away and live a life of peace and complacency, and your nerves deserve this peace. So step away and let the narc triangulate the new supply. You\u2019re free.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re noticing signs of narcissistic abuse or you feel stuck in a narcissistic relationship, you\u2019re not alone \u2014 and it\u2019s not your fault. What you\u2019re experiencing is real, and healing is possible.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For more support, visit<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.themarymcconnell.com\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/www.themarymcconnell.com<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for free educational resources, recovery tools, and guidance to help you recognize toxic patterns, rebuild your self-trust, and move forward safely.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you need immediate help, support is available 24\/7: <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (1-800-799-7233), <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Crisis Text Line<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (Text HOME to 741741), and <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">988<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (Suicide &amp; Crisis Lifeline).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have you dealt with a narcissist or recovered from narcissistic abuse? If you feel safe, share your experience in the comments \u2014 your story might be the moment someone else realizes they\u2019re not \u201ccrazy,\u201d they\u2019re being harmed.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Looking for more guidance on narcissism and recovery? Explore the related articles below on boundaries, gaslighting, love bombing, and healing after narcissistic abuse to keep building your path to emotional freedom.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-eyes\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Hidden Meaning Behind the Narcissist Eyes<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/why-do-narcissists-want-to-hurt-you\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why Do Narcissists Want to Hurt You: The Truth Behind Their Manipulative Behavior<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/how-to-expose-a-narcissist\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Expose a Narcissist Safely Without Falling Into Their Trap<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/what-does-narc-mean\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Does Narc Mean? A Deep Dive into Narcissism and Its Impact on Relationships<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-and-the-silent-treatment\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissist and the Silent Treatment: How to Recognize, Respond and Reclaim Your Voice<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-at-work\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealing with a Narcissist at Work: 9 Survival Strategies to Protect Your Sanity and Career<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/how-to-shut-down-a-narcissist\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Shut Down a Narcissist: 7 Powerful Responses to Silence Them<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissistic-traits-in-males\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissistic Traits in Males: 12 Disturbing Signs You Can\u2019t Ignore<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/do-narcissists-know-they-are-narcissists\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists? The Truth About Their Self-Perception and Denial<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/how-does-the-narcissist-feel-when-you-move-on\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How Does the Narcissist Feel When You Move On: The Shocking Truth They Don\u2019t Want You to Know!<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/are-narcissists-evil\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are Narcissists Evil or Products of Their Past?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-love-bombing\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissist Love Bombing: How to Spot the Signs Before It\u2019s Too Late<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissist-quotes\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">40 Eye-Opening Narcissist Quotes That Reveal How Narcissists Think and Manipulate<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/what-causes-narcissism\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Causes Narcissism: Find Out About Its Origins<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/signs-you-are-healing-from-narcissistic-abuse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">10 Empowering Signs You\u2019re Healing from Narcissistic Abuse<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/things-narcissists-say\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Things Narcissists Say: 18 Classic Phrases That Reveal Their True Personality<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissistic-family\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Toxic Dynamics of a Narcissistic Family: How Control and Silence Keep the Cycle Alive<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/narcissistic-victim-syndrome\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Everything You Need to Know<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/can-a-narcissist-change-for-the-right-woman\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can a Narcissist Change for the Right Woman? Why Love Alone Isn\u2019t Enough to Fix Them<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/long-term-effects-of-narcissistic-abuse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding and Overcoming the Long-Term Effects of Narcissistic Abuse<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/how-to-break-up-with-a-narcissist\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Break Up with a Narcissist: The Step-by-Step Guide to Leaving Without Losing Yourself<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/how-are-narcissists-created\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How Are Narcissists Created: Uncovering the Deep-Rooted Causes of Narcissism<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/stages-of-narcissistic-abuse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Stages of Narcissistic Abuse Explained and How to Break the Cycle<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/no-contact-with-the-narcissist\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Ultimate Guide to No Contact with the Narcissist: How to Stay Strong, Set Boundaries and Heal for Good<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One day they praise you, the next, they\u2019re comparing you to someone else behind your back or to your face. You thought&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2729,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"default","_kad_post_title":"default","_kad_post_layout":"default","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"default","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"default","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[76],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-narcissistic-manipulation-tactics"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":76,"label":"Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/Re-EDIT-31.jpg",1024,576,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Mary McConnell","author_link":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/author\/marymc206outlook-com\/"},"comment_info":"","category_info":[{"term_id":76,"name":"Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics","slug":"narcissistic-manipulation-tactics","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":76,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Discover the most common narcissistic manipulation tactics, from gaslighting and blame-shifting to guilt and control, so you can spot the patterns and protect yourself.","parent":0,"count":19,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":76,"category_count":19,"category_description":"Discover the most common narcissistic manipulation tactics, from gaslighting and blame-shifting to guilt and control, so you can spot the patterns and protect yourself.","cat_name":"Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics","category_nicename":"narcissistic-manipulation-tactics","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2509"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2509\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2732,"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2509\/revisions\/2732"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2729"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themarymcconnell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}