How do narcissists know they are narcissists, they believe they are perfect, and it is an honor that we are allowed to be in their presence. This and their constant gas-lighting and blame shifting is what describes what narcissism is.
Do narcissists know they are narcissists? They’ve heard the term and can point it out in others but do narcissists know they are narcissists, if they truly are they wouldn’t even be asking this question.
Asking Do narcissists know they are narcissists. Is an important question to be asking if you are dealing with a narcissist but understanding their perception it can clarify you’re view of what is truly happening.
I’m hoping to answer the question: do narcissists know they are narcissists by looking at self-awareness, psychological insights and expert opinions. And I’m hoping to help you walk away with the tools you need to answer this question.
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
So, if you want to know if narcissists know they are narcissists you have to know what narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) actually is.
NPD is displayed in a person as a pattern of self-grandiose, gaslighting, blame shifting, and future faking. Notice I said pattern, this isn’t someone one time thinking they are the greatest of all time, this is someone who thinks they are above everyone.
Or the clinical definition that this is a mental health condition characterized by an unreasonably high sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
Either way you define it, do narcissists know they are narcissists? How can they, they see themselves as the best and do not understand how they hurt others because of the lack of empathy.
Narcissists see relationships as the food pyramid, they are of course at the top, then they have supply below them, now supply can be fed emotionally from sub supply, but never by the narcissist, it is an upward cycle never downward.
Read more in 40 Eye-Opening Narcissist Quotes That Reveal How Narcissists Think and Manipulate
The Levels of Narcissistic Self-Awareness
Completely Unaware Narcissists this is the oblivious level, they just know they are always right and everyone around them is always wrong. They always do the right thing everyone else does the wrong thing.
Partially Aware Narcissists this is someone who’s read up a little on do narcissists know they are narcissist and starting to ask questions about their behavior. Bravo to you. This is a big step, but you have to keep going.
Fully Aware Narcissists can go in two directions. If someone has determined they are a narcissist it can be in an evil sense, like I know I can get what I want if I do this.
Or in my healing process I met some self-aware narcissist who knew they were narcissists, and they found therapy to heal and not only are they bringing awareness to the illness they are encouraging others to get the help they need.
Do Narcissists Ever Realize They Are Narcissists?
Main Characteristics of Narcissists
- Grandiose sense of self-importance – They believe they are the greatest.
- Constant need for excessive admiration – External validation supply
- Lack of empathy – No one should have feelings but them.
- Sense of entitlement – They are the greatest, they deserve everything.
- Exploitation of others – Does not matter who it costs they deserve it.
- Envy of others – They are the greatest, if not, they must conquer who they envy.
- Arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes – They know they are great and is shows
- Preoccupation with fantasies of success – Constantly needing the next level.
- Belief in being “special” – No peasants allowed at the ball.
Psychological research shows it’s almost like a narcissist has a blind spot to their narcissistic traits. It’s like if you asked them: Do narcissists ever realize they are narcissists?
They will actually have the debate with you. And point it out in others but they can not see it in themselves.
Some narcissists will acknowledge they did something that shows a trait of narcissism like a sense of grandiose, but if a narcissist is admitting they did something you have to watch to part 2, they are never wrong, they are perfect in their mind.
If a narcissist admits they did something wrong, part 2(there is always a part 2) is how it was your fault. They just can’t think of how yet, they need to buy time to sort out how it is your fault not theirs.
Now remember when you reacted to what they did this was also your fault. Do you see a pattern, clinically referred to as blame-shifting. They just see it’s always your fault somehow.
Do narcissists ever realize they are narcissists, with cognitive dissonance, they probably never will. Cognitive dissonance is when they start changing their memories from having been the greatest to being the victim in 1 sentence and it is always the actual victim’s fault.
You will see signs of cognitive dissonance in a narcissist if they are confronted with facts that contradict their perception of what happened. Basically, as long as it is as they say it happened all is well.
But if you dare challenge their view of the story or worse yet provide proof that they are full of Poo-poo, oh man hold on tight. You have gone from worthless to the abuser in a blink of an eye. How dare you challenge their superiority.
Why Most Narcissists Refuse to Accept the Truth
- Behind every grandiose act of a narcissist is a fragile child, with no real self-esteem. Their self-esteem is how they feel people see them; they do not have self-love or awareness. They will deploy defense mechanisms like these if their fragile self-esteem is fired upon.
- Denial – The evidence is wrong, I’m right, and they expect everyone to belief them.
- Rationalization – I had to do it; you gave me no choice. Their choice is to control.
- Projection – I am rubber, you’re glue. Yes, this is the adult version.
- Splitting – You are on their side or their enemy. No middle ground.
- Selective memory – IF it’s possible they are wrong they don’t remember.
- Gaslighting Themselves – This is an interesting one, by know you understand gaslighting, but imagine that the narcissist is actually able to gaslight themselves to make their memory now not your fault in being wrong but now you did it maliciously.
This makes them not the bad person but now the victim, and so this is now how it must have been.
Why narcissists use external blame instead of internal reflection has to do with the narcissist’s survival instincts. Remember they have this fragile self-esteem, that is coming from somewhere.
But instead of dealing with the issue in them it is easier to blame everyone else. This way they don’t have to do anything and people to cater to them. There are some more clinical explanations:
- Existential threat – If they accept responsibility, they will not be the greatest and this shatters their self-image.
- Shame intolerance – They feel shame deeply and like it’s intentionally inflicted.
- Lack of emotional regulation tools – If they cannot recognize emotions how do they control them.
- Reward system – Blame shifting has always worked for them, if they were removed from their throne, they become the town martyr who was done wrong. EVERYTIME!
- Identity preservation – They are the greatest and there’s no cost too high to ensure all believe that and appreciate and admire the narcissist in their glory.
Read more in What Causes Narcissism: Find Out About Its Origins
The Role of Grandiosity and Ego in Denial
- A narcissist’s trait of sense of grandiose and inflated sense of self-importance creates distorted reality in their perception of themselves that they are beyond any criticism. Any criticism automatically triggers their defense mechanisms.
- Research from the American Psychological Association shows that this grandiosity isn’t simply arrogance—it’s a fundamental protective mechanism that protects the narcissist from confronting deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and shame.
- Can you imagine them saying yes if asked if narcissists know they are narcissists? Well of course they are going to say yes, they know everything. But do they really?
- For someone with the traits of a narcissist, admitting to something that appears as a fault is not acceptable; it would damage their self-image. To accept the diagnosis would take:
- Acknowledging they have a personality disorder -contradicting their belief that they are perfect.
- Recognizing they share traits with others – contradicting their belief in their superiority.
- Admitting they need help -contradicting their belief in their Brilliance and mastery
- Accepting responsibility for harmful behaviors –contradicting their belief in sainthood.
Psychoanalytic theory explains narcissistic denial as an unconscious defense mechanism. Suggesting that a narcissist has such a false sense of self they believe their own made-up narrative, because if fits comfortably in their beliefs.
A landmark study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology demonstrated that individuals with high narcissistic traits showed significantly greater resistance to negative feedback
Even when presented with objective evidence of failure. Their ego is so over inflated they believe their own imagination over hard facts and truths and then go above and beyond to convince others of the conspiracy against them.
Are There Exceptions? Can Narcissists Change If They Know?
Even in the rare cases where narcissists develop self-awareness, complete transformation is still very rare. What is possible is:
Behavior management rather than personality restructuring – if they know they might be caught they can mask the behavior to protect their appearance.
Learning to pause before acting on narcissistic impulses – This is them mastering their skills of manipulation learning when to use which tools.
Developing compensatory behaviors that mitigate harm to others – they are studying their prey and determining their weaknesses and supply they provide.
Building specific skills like active listening or conflict de-escalation – de-escalating a situation, even one they caused, let’s them look like the good person, but they are gathering intel to use later in their twist of the story.
According to mental health professionals only a very small percentage of narcissists ever achieve meaningful change. Even with intense therapy.
For survivors of narcissistic abuse this reality emphasizes the importance of making decisions based on consistent behavioral patterns rather than a gas light or future fake here and there.
In the rare cases of a full transformation, the narcissist still has to maintain control of their tendencies, like an alcoholic in recovery trying to stay away from alcohol. A narcissist has to fight to stay away from manipulating others to feel superior.
How to Protect Yourself from a Narcissist’s Manipulation
So if Narcissists know they are narcissists, does that make them harmless? NO. They can still slip right back into the comfortable manipulative tactics they’ve known for so long. Watch for these signs:
Strategic vulnerability – This is where they share just enough that you believe they changed, but not enough that they are responsible.
Psychological terminology misuse – They learned therapy words, not for healing, to use on their supply, if they say you are gaslighting them, and you are stunned, this just became a new tool for them to manipulate you.
Selective improvement – I call this low hanging fruit, change what’s easy with the least impact, shows improvement so it’s ok to wait on the rest right.
Weaponized apologies – “I’m sorry you feel that way” No that’s not apologizing for what you did, that’s apologizing that you got caught and I’m upset.
Performative change – This is the stage performance, they have to keep up their public image but close the door and they need to let it all out. It seriously builds up when they try to hold it in.
After a party at our house, I was yelled at for being friends with their friend who we shouldn’t have over anymore, and I should have never invited them.
I still don’t know what they fought about but by bedtime it was my fault, and I was made fully aware. I’m still sorry. I think.
Inconsistency between private and public behavior – This is when your phone becomes inseparable. They no longer display their behaviors in public, they’ve been caught. Now it’s your word vs. theirs.
This is when you hear the stories come out, record conversations, don’t play them back, this will twist things if the narc hears reality. But they are for you, to remind you of what reality is. The narc is going to distort it.
- Strategies to set Boundaries and Avoid falling into their traps include:
- Implement the Gray Rock Method
- Minimize emotional reactions that feed narcissistic supply
- Keep conversations brief, boring, and business-like
- Avoid sharing personal information that can be weaponized later
- Document Everything
- Keep records of all interactions, especially in co-parenting or work situations
- Save texts, emails, and when legal, record conversations
- Note patterns of manipulation with dates and specific behaviors
- Establish Clear Communication Boundaries
- Define acceptable communication channels and times
- Create scripts for responding to boundary violations
- Use written communication when possible, for documentation
- Practice Emotional Detachment
- Recognize that their behavior reflects their pathology, not your worth
- Develop awareness of your emotional triggers
- Create physical and mental distance when manipulation attempts occur
- Build a Support Network
- Connect with others who understand narcissistic abuse
- Work with a trauma-informed therapist
- Join support groups like those offered through your coaching services
- When to cut ties or seek professional help in dealing with narcissists.
Final Thoughts
So what do you think do narcissists know they are narcissists? And how much weight does that need to have on your decision more importantly.
Some narcissists are unaware, some are partially aware, and a few are fully aware but indifferent. But do narcissists know they are narcissists at any level at all. Regardless you need to keep your knowledge up to date and be aware of these traits.
Cut ties early and be aware of how a narcissist might react to your attempts to leave, and above all, self-care is mandatory. You need to take care of yourself.
At this point once you escape you stop caring about whether or not narcissists know they are narcissists and focus on your healing. You are in a battle and deserve some down time emotionally.
If they can deny it they will. This is the easiest tool for them. If they deny it long enough you are supposed to believe they didn’t do it. If you see yourself questioning yourself, use your recordings.
Do narcissists know they are narcissists? Even when they are aware it is rare that a narcissist can fully change. It can happen and I have seen it. But these traits have been in them so long, it is like if you speak English and now all you speak is Spanish.
If you think you can change overnight to being fully Spanish speaking with no English coming into conversations and it happens then yes that person has what it would take for a narcissist to fully change with no mistakes.
I do applaud and appriciate the narcissists that are self-aware, and I have seen and even met a few that help others to figure out if narcissists know they are narcissists. These people are a beacon light of hope. This does demonstrate that narcissists know they are narcissists.
Remember that protecting yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary for your healing journey. As a survivor I had to learn that the hard way. But now I hope others won’t be as stubborn as I was.
It’s not selfish to take care of yourself especially If you are in danger.
Imagine walking down a path and a snake came out. Are you going to cuddle the snake and possibly marry it knowing it could bite and kill you any time? But does the snake know that? That is what is like to ask if narcissists know they are narcissists.
Or are you going to walk away and let the snake slither off and find a snake partner. You are doing what’s best for both of you if they can’t change you are not going to change them and it’s ok to let them go and take care of yourself.
If you recognize these signs or feel trapped in a narcissistic relationship, please know that you’re not alone – and it’s not your fault.
Your healing journey matters, and support is available. Visit themarymcconnell.com for free educational resources, recovery tools, and a community of survivors who understand exactly what you’re going through.
For immediate help: • National Domestic Violence Hotline:https://www.thehotline.org/ | Call 1-800-799-7233 • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Your voice matters. If you have additional resources that have helped you, please share them in the comments below – together we can create a network of support for everyone who needs it.
If you have inside on if narcissists know they are narcissists? Your story could help someone else recognize the signs or feel less alone. Share your experience in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so.
Remember: You deserve love that feels safe, not chaotic. You deserve respect, not manipulation. You deserve healing, and it’s possible. 💙
