When you first look into a narcissist’s eyes upon your first meeting, you will be drawn to the way they look almost inside of you. You just want to melt into them. They use narcissist eyes as a tool to work out how to dominate and control you. They look at you with a sense of superiority and control, that feels like loving admiration when trapped in the gaze of the narcissist’s eyes.
They are sizing up what tactic to use to gain control of you. Analyzing what tactic, they need to use from their arsenal to gain full power over your thoughts, actions, and feelings. What do you need to hear to believe that they are the most important person in the world?
When narcissist eyes are dissecting you. They can make you feel like they are hanging on every word you say. Like you are the most important thing to them. They are most likely using other tools like love bombing but damn the narcissist eyes are just captivating.
Narcissistic abuse can be anywhere, know the signs to avoid falling into the narcissistic trap of abuse. You may be able to spot it right away by simply looking at the way someone looks at you. And it is even said that the narcissist eyes turn black, wouldn’t that make them easier to identify?
Why Are Narcissist Eyes So Distinctive?
They stare at you with those narcissist eyes. It feels like a loving look, but the stare is sizing you up. You are not there to be adored and loved. You are there to be studied. How do they get what they want from you with the least effort? And the narcissist eyes are the camera for their recon.
You feel adored and loved one moment and then when you actually look it almost appears that they are trying to turn a key to get into your mind and take control. Which is exactly what they are doing. With the narcissist eyes as a key into your deepest secrets, they know have power.
This look of theirs is now known as the narcissistic stare. As you are manipulated into thinking it’s a loving gaze, they are already working on the next gas light, or the next future fake that they are going to hook you in with.
Narcissists have to keep their supply available and while they are staring, they are ensuring you will continue to fill their needs. They are now using those narcissist eyes as keys again, not unlocking your secrets but locking you up with chains of imprisonment.
The Psychological Meaning Behind a Narcissist’s Stare
The narcissist has learned that if they want to convey superiority and establish control of you, the narcissists eyes need to look you dead in your eyes and lie because they already unlocked your insecurities, while you thought you had been in a loving eye locked daze.
Now they can stare deeply with their narcissist eyes and lock you into a place of inferiority. They are using their stare/daze tactic to lock this new belief into you. They also learned that prolonged eye contact can make you one of two ways.
Constant stares with a narcissist’s eyes can start to either make you feel uneasy, like you’re in trouble or did something wrong or captivated like you are learning something new
After experiencing this intimidation and reprograming enough. You start to have it imbedded in your brain like you know the narcissist eyes are constantly on you no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Somehow the narcissists eyes are following you.
If you are completely captivated by the narcissist’s eyes, in which you hang on every word. It helps to lay the groundwork to get you to this heightened mental status so that you completely absorb whatever bullshit they are trying to gaslight you with today.
Don’t get me wrong, there are tender loving eye locks out there, but you have to be cautious of the narcissist eyes It is like looking straight into medusa’s face. You become captivated and destroyed.
In a loving, tender, heartfelt gaze, you feel warm, loved, cared for. Not guilty or like you’re learning instructions for your new job. Or reprogrammed like I have to make steak for dinner in order to get that loving gaze from them. Got it.
The Different Types of Narcissistic Stare and Their Hidden Intentions
a) The Predatory Stare
They can use their narcissist eyes to look you dead in your eyes not even blinking, like they are in a daze, As they gaze into your soul to find your deepest darkest secrets that they can use to gain control of you
The psychological effect of that stare is that you feel like this person with these narcissist eye qualities knows you better than you know yourself because you are now convinced that they can see in you the things you cannot see. And you now trust them to help you fix what you didn’t know was wrong with you.
b) The Empty, Lifeless Stare
A narcissist eyes will appear emotionless in their stares, like they are there but not there. So deep in thought without feeling. You can almost picture them trying to do an algebra problem in their mind while you are staring lovingly into the narcissist’s eyes.
It has been said that they could honestly be sleeping with their narcissist eyes wide open, and it is apparent in their gaze. The narcissist’s eyes are working double time trying to keep you locked in and giving them what they need at the same time.
When you start to notice this is happening in the conversation. You want to be aware of what is actually going on in their minds not locked in by the narcissist eyes listen to their words as well. They are wrestling with their insecurity and emptiness and how you are going to fix it.
They are focusing with narcissist eyes zeroed in on what they need from you and how they are going to lock you into improving their self-image, lifestyle and overall happiness. Never has the narcissist eyes focused on what you need, only their misleading words did that.
c) The Seductive Stare
This is a grooming habit that as a victim you will feel the narcissist eyes are expressing the passion you have been longing for. The narcissist eyes seem as if they are about to give you everything you’ve wanted for ever.
50 shades showed us, we all want that passion, and even dominance, in a healthy way. But the Narcissist is letting you feel that passion building up allowing them to gain control and dominance. Like leading you to the red room, but never getting the pleasure.
Once you’ve let down your guard and succumbed to the passion you perceive in the narcissist eyes knowing that they want what’s best for you. They are just as passionate about you as you are about them.
They want to protect you and please you. It’s all right there in the narcissist eyes. They are the only person in the world that cares for you this intensely. WAKE UP!!!!! You were just groomed into being submissive anytime they wanted and not romantically.
What until the day you have to start giving them regular pedicures. It’s for their diabetes. At first as you gaze lovingly into the narcissist eyes, you feel the appreciation they have for your help. But as time goes one the narcissist eyes are now watching TV, demanding you do better at your task.
d) The Rage-Filled Stare
Oh, but when you make a mistake. Now it is time to invoke fear to further instill their dominance. They don’t even need to use words. This stare is so defined. This is where you might see the narcissist eyes actually start to appear to turn black.
Once you see your narcissists eyes with a rage filled stare you want to crawl begging for forgiveness. You manifest guilt for something like, cutting their skin during their pedicure. The look in the narcissist eyes when you have failed is demoralizing to say the least. Scary for sure.
It makes you feel a sense of fear and disappointment in yourself. You feel like you just lost everything you have ever worked for in your whole life, and destroyed your entire future, possibly ending any chance at world peace,
The power of the narcissist eyes and how they pierce into you is real, It starts as a pin hole and by the time the narcissist’s eye needles pierce you enough. The narcissist has created a full-size door opening into your mind.
Yes, I know this sounds comical and a little extreme, but honestly this is the best way I can describe it from experience. No words are even necessary, it’s just in the narcissist eyes and the way they look at you.
How Narcissists Use Eye Contact for Manipulation
Gaslighting
When you were a child and your parents caught you in a lie, remember the first thing out of their mouth? “Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth.” We were raised knowing that if someone looked you straight in the eyes, they were telling the truth,
I mean no one can lie to you if they maintain eye contact. Meet the narcissist. The narcissists eyes can maintain their focus, like it’s a normal conversation, while they are lying straight to your face about something obvious, like the sky is green or no I didn’t sleep with your friend.
Narcissists mastered this lesson; they had to if they wanted people to believe the things they were saying. Otherwise, how would the world know how superior they are if the narcissists eyes couldn’t keep locked with the victims while they told their lies.
Silent intimidation
In order for the narcissist to maintain control, they need to work hard all the time. Using Silent intimidating glances is a less labor-intensive method. You can literally see the disappointment in a narcissist eye when they have not been pleased.
This provides you, the victim, with a constant reminder that the narcissists eyes are constantly on you to ensure you please them and make sure they are happy. This glance or stare also is subtle enough that no one else in the room will notice. They don’t want to look bad.
Read more in Narcissist and the Silent Treatment: How to Recognize, Respond and Reclaim Your Voice
Grooming and love bombing
Every girl dreams of the charming prince that is going to sweep her off her feet Gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes with your first kiss. And then ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
The narcissist knows this story, and they know how to tell you the next chapter of how happily ever after you guys are going to be. As you are lost in your daze in the narcissist’s eyes. He spins you tales of all the pleasure but doesn’t mention the pain.
He might even bring you a pumpkin saying how it will turn into the carriage but honey it’s going to rot on your countertop. Then they’ll tell you how that was the plan, now that the pumpkin rotted let’s take the seeds and grow 100’s of pumpkins, and then those rot.
But as you’re in Lala land lost in the narcissist’s eyes. they just keep promising bigger, and you will be told of the signs that it’s going the way they say, but if you take a minute to analyze the facts. You will realize that you have a rotting mess on your hands.
Read more in Narcissist Love Bombing: How to Spot the Signs Before It’s Too Late
Understanding and Responding to Narcissistic Manipulation and Intimidation
Never, if possible, have any type of power struggle, or advise of a mistake where the narcist eyes will be in contact with yours. If they can lock you in, you already know they will, while they manipulate the facts.
If this cannot be avoided, and you have to communicate with the narcissist eye to eye. Maintain a neutral expression, have clear boundaries, communicate assertively and never let them see you blink or waiver or even question yourself.
You already know the narcissist eye games, and they know what they can accomplish by looking in your eyes. And you have to be able to be aware of this and the other tactics they use, or you are right back into their trap.
You will notice and so will the narcissist when they do not have their narcissistic eye power. This is like kryptonite so be prepared for every reason why this style of communication won’t work for them. The narcissist eye contact is needed to ensure you believe what they have to say.
By beginning to black rock in this fashion it starts to rebuild your strength. It may be a small at first. They want to meet face to face to discuss something that you could discuss via text. The idea here is you have into the narcissist eyes so you can get hooked. It’s always worked before.
It might be a small item at first, like maybe instead of meeting to talk about the phone bill and settling it. You exchange texts and apple cash. And as you reprogram yourself eventually you can say the word “NO” to even the narcissist eyes.
*Warning – Do not let the narcissist know you know this word until you are powerful enough to stand behind it, if you show any weakness, they will know that your NO is soft, and their tactics will continue and could intensify*
After you have accomplished your first hard NO and made it stick, I think it’s a requirement to celebrate and do something special to celebrate this milestone.
Now it’s time to open the narcissist eyes. And take back your power. And while there are ways to communicate to help guide a conversation to a solution. A Narcissist’s only solution ever is themselves and their ego.
While communication can be productive tool to most, a narcissist will have the conversation in a circle, where you can’t even find an off-ramp or exit, you honestly aren’t even sure which direction you guys are going in because you are lost in the narcissist’s eyes.
You have to find a path of a healthy conversation, using facts, while guiding the conversation to a completed circle with an exit plan. And looking the into the narcissist eyes will trap you into losing your path.
When communicating and being subjected to looking in the narcissist eyes, practice writing out what you want to say. Do it several times, reword it as many times as needed, use strategy and facts with no emotion in your writing and do not leave windows for them to question anything.
Let them believe it’s their idea. Look into the narcissist eyes and convince them they thought of the solution you wrote down and the steps to get there. As you look into the narcissist eyes though be aware of the trap that lies within.
If they think it’s your idea, it’s obviously wrong, but if it’s their idea, well they’re a certified genius so of course we should do it, and you can just agree (even though you can celebrate again, you just got your idea through, nice work!)
Final Thoughts
Always be aware and analyze each gaze and stare in the narcissist eyes so you know what you’re working with.
Be constantly aware that the narcissist’s eyes are a tool to inflict the Predatory Stare, The Seductive Stare, and The Rage-Filled Stare. When you look into the narcissist eyes which stare do you recognize?
Trust your instincts, and step away to check your instincts and feelings. While being lost in the narcists eyes it can feel like a different version of you. If you are questioning your feelings, make an excuse, regain your composure, step away
And when you are ready look again into the narcissist eyes and try to convey your feelings again. This time be aware of what happened last time and be cautious of the same pattern. If it happens 3 or more times, it’s time to end the communication in the current pattern.
The narcissist has trained you. If you act differently or if you dare speak against them. You will be informed of your wrong attitude and how you are offending everyone. When they refer to everyone, they are simply referring to the everyone that matters in their mind, THEM.
Always be aware that in the narcissist eyes they are superior, but in the narcissist, eyes also lie their insecurities and the fact that they know if they don’t control you, they can’t contain you.
If you recognize these signs or feel trapped in a narcissistic relationship, please know that you’re not alone – and it’s not your fault.
Your healing journey matters, and support is available. Visit themarymcconnell.com for free educational resources, recovery tools, and a community of survivors who understand exactly what you’re going through.
For immediate help: • National Domestic Violence Hotline:https://www.thehotline.org/ | Call 1-800-799-7233 • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Your voice matters. If you have additional resources that have helped you, please share them in the comments below – together we can create a network of support for everyone who needs it.
Have you dealt with a narcissist? Your story could help someone else recognize the signs or feel less alone. Share your experience in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so.
Remember: You deserve love that feels safe, not chaotic. You deserve respect, not manipulation. You deserve healing, and it’s possible. 💙
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