One of the most dangerous manipulative tactics is the narcissist and the silent treatment they use on you.
The narcissist and the silent treatment, It’s a tactic they use where they ignore and refuse to communicate with you. This is an attempt to give you space, this is a narcissist using the silent treatment on you.
Many survivors will describe the narcissist and the silent treatment as some of the most confusing and painful experiences they survived during their abusive relationship.
The narcissist and the silent treatment is a mind game to get you to feel you’ve done something wrong. The narcissist and the silent treatment is like a medieval torture to control your mind.
Combatting a narcissist and the silent treatment means learning how to recognize, respond, and recover from the damaging cycles of the narcissist and the silent treatment.
The Narcissist and the silent treatment use is an effort to make you feel responsible and guilty for whatever is wrong that by not communicating with you, they now control you. They now have you believing that it was because of your wrongdoing not theirs that it happened.
Narcissist and the silent treatment can erode self-esteem and cause anxiety and leave the victim feeling they are at fault but not knowing for what. I hope that by reading on you will be able to recognize this form of abuse, respond in a healthy way to maintain yourself, and reclaim your voice to set your boundaries.
What is Narcissistic Silent Treatment?
The narcissist and their silent treatment pattern are completely different from a normal silent treatment. Everyone can stop talking to someone for a bit to get through emotions. But a Narc will expect you to drop everything and respond immediately or they will start in on you about ignoring them.
But if you ask anything it’s a brick wall. This way you know you are wrong (we still don’t know why). The narcissist and the silent treatment are a form of emotional abuse. Designed to break you down over time.
The prolonged effects of the narcissist and the silent treatment are detrimental to future growth. You begin to feel worthless, inferior, almost like it’s a treat for good behavior that they acknowledge you.
You become anxious and depressed like you’re not good enough to even be noticed in this relationship. The narcissistic silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse because of the prolonged effect it has on your mental health.
Each time this type of abuse occurs, it doesn’t have to leave a bruise that can be seen, because they have bitten off a piece of your self-worth and that will take decades in ideal conditions to even begin to regrow and heal.
Don’t let this their silent treatment determine your worth. Speak up, seek support and take your power back from the Narcissist and their silent treatment of undeserved punishment.
Why Do Narcissists Use the Silent Treatment?
Narcissists use the silent treatment to cause isolation and powerlessness in their victim. It will allow them to take control of the victim and manipulate them mentally by making them think they are the cause, not the narcissist that actually caused the issue.
Using the silent treatment, makes you feel like you did as a child when you were told to go sit in the corner. It honestly does trigger this feeling. Like no one can talk to you because you’re in the time-out chair in the corner.
And as you remember you would do anything to get out of time out. The narcissist and the silent treatment are designed and executed counting on this same reaction and uses this as another way of control.
By the narcissist and the silent treatment tactic in play, you now sit and think about how this happened and what your part in it was. The narcissist, when they do communicate with you, will let you know what you did wrong, they will also explain how they did nothing wrong.
You’re so relieved the narc is engaging with you.t you forget all about their part and they have no accountability for their actions, as they planned. Each time the narc uses the silent treatment on you, the time will seem like it is getting longer. BECAUSE IT IS.
This is unconsciously intentional, the Narcissist might not even realize they are doing it. But they are testing boundaries. Ok I got away with silent treatment for 2 days last time, this time I’ll try for 2 and a half, just to see where the breaking point is.
Signs You’re Experiencing the Narcissistic Silent Treatment
Are you experiencing sudden signs of withdrawal by your partner after they did something wrong? If they are sulking that’s one thing, but if they did it and are now angry and silent at you this is a sign you’re experiencing the narcissist and the silent treatment tactic.
When they are ignoring your text, calls and any attempt at working on the issue it is because they are putting you in the corner until you realize you’re the problem not them, and this is how they will convince you and is a sign you’re experiencing the narcissist and the silent treatment tactic.
When someone is intentionally silent you naturally get anxious and if you are anxious for long enough you feel like maybe you’re just unworthy of their attention. This is the intended affect of the cycle of the narcissist and the silent treatment. Make you question you not them.
This is the plan from the beginning. The narcissist and the silent treatment technique are waiting for you to worship the narcissist again and forget what they did wrong. While you question what you did to end up in time out.
Do you remember school bullies that just pretend you’re invisible. These were the infant version of what you’re dealing with today. They are using this same mentality just on a bigger playground.
And it’s making you look at them the same way you looked at the kid that pretended you were invisible on the playground wanting them to see you. The Narcissist will break the silent treatment early If they need something from you.
They shall forgive you now as long as you take care of this as you are now indebted to them . But remember this good gesture next time, because oh man will they remember their forgiveness.
Your only thing to remember they were wrong, you just experienced blame-shifting..
The Psychological and Emotional Effects on Victims
After living through years of this. I struggle daily with self-confidence and self-worth. I never think I’m worthy of others’ attention or kindness.
I don’t trust people. And me trying to trust another man especially, is as tragic and fast as the Titanic going down.
I spent a full year feeling that I needed him or I would fail in life in general. I spent 365 days thinking I was a fake, an imposter, that I was the abuser, I felt guilty. It feels like a prison, but you have to give yourself good behavior days AKA rewards for doing things.
It can be a chocolate bar because you didn’t take their call today to buying a $300 bottle of champagne you want it to be. Little things. Regardless, celebrate everything positive, and always have gratitude for where you are now. Now you give the silent treatment.
The emotional road to recovery is long and you have to fight each and every day. There are days of isolation. And you have to know that those are ok. Look at it as a day of healing and recovering.
Take care of yourself. Do something for yourself. Talk to a stranger at the grocery store about anything. Above all, remain strong. You know what the narc holds for you in their hands and what you hold in your hands now is freedom, and happiness.
But like all good things you have to work for it. And stay grateful for how far you have made it.
Self esteem and confidence and two things the narcissistic silent treatment completely strips from you. Each silent treatment takes a little more, until you have none left, that means that the next silent treatment is the final one.
They have completely drained you and you are now as useful as an empty milk jug. The narcissist and the silent treatment have stripped you of having any sense of who did what right and who was wrong.
The narcissist and the silent treatment inflicted on you, will trigger your childhood traumas at any level you experienced personally. Almost every one of us at some point was put into time out or bullied. Please remember this was parenting not a narcissist and the silent treatment. Different.
And these memories decide to come up when you are experiencing a similar treatment. This can also cause a mental spiral, because your mind links the events.
How to Respond to the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment
What Not to Do
Do not under any circumstances beg for their attention or apologize for what you didn’t do or your response to what they did.
Do not step into their trap and show your emotions. This is like a game of poker, and you need to keep your poker face.
Do not over explain or attempt to justify what you did. You did not do this, they did this. Keep with the facts.
Healthy Ways to Respond
Stay Calm and steady. You know this tactic and what their intentions are. Be the bigger person and don’t let your emotions take over your mind.
This is the time to set boundaries. This is not now or ever ok to do as an adult. And you are not going to tolerate it.
Refuse to chase them and seek their validation. Talk to a friend who has your back instead. By chasing and validating them.
If they are behaving this way, utilize this time for self-care. They are hurting you, you need to heal yourself.
Talk to people and get help and support. Narcissists and the silent treatment they give are manipulation.
Read more in How to Shut Down a Narcissist: 7 Powerful Responses to Silence Them
Breaking Free: How to Reclaim Your Voice and Heal
First thing is you have to validate yourself with the fact that you are not responsible for their behavior. They are! Not you. They are their own person and they are responsible for their own actions and behavior.
Your action is just a reaction to their wrong doing, you are not wrong for having feelings.
After suffering from manipulation not only emotionally but verbally and mentally to heal is not something to do on your own. Reach out for help.
Take time for self-reflection and utilize emotional healing tools and techniques. This is a road to recovery not a race to mask the pain. Use the pain to learn and grow stronger. Not as a punishment of what you suffered.
As you begin to heal after the abuse. You will find the tools that work best for you personally. You need to realize now you may not even know what the tools are. A professional can help you find the tools to heal.
Narcissists use their communication as a weapon. In order to not get stabbed in the mind by their words, you have to remove their words. By using grey/black rock strategies, you are reducing your exposure and allowing yourself to heal.
You need this space to find a healthy communication habit that does not allow for the toxic words the narcissist strategically uses to hurt you. This also allows you to not be subjected to the narcissist and the silent treatment.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you are constantly feeling the emotional drain from the narcissist and the silent treatment, it is time to get help. Even if you’re unsure, ask a professional, or research what you’re experiencing. There is no dumb question.
After a time of emotional abuse happening it can cause PTSD, CPTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and more. But this is why you need to talk about what is going on. It starts as a small incident but it can build to these stages rapidly.
By getting help from a professional. A therapist, a counselor, or a support group. They all help you to see the clear picture of what is going on. It’s almost like the kryptonite to gaslighting. You stop falling for the manipulation and grooming.
Read more in 10 Empowering Signs You’re Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Final Thoughts
If you see signs of a narcissist and the silent treatment either on you or someone you know. Stay calm and do not show emotion. Set boundaries and refuse to chase them or apologize for what you didn’t do.
The narcissist and the silent treatment cannot compete with your boundaries if you hold them strong.
Your mental health and well-being need to be priority number one. Battling the narcissist and the silent treatment is just that, a battle. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will, and how will you stay strong? And we all know we have others besides the narcissist that depend on us, and we can’t spread ourselves too thin.
If you recognize these signs or feel trapped in a narcissistic relationship, please know that you’re not alone – and it’s not your fault.
Your healing journey matters, and support is available. Visit themarymcconnell.com for free educational resources, recovery tools, and a community of survivors who understand exactly what you’re going through.
For immediate help: • National Domestic Violence Hotline:https://www.thehotline.org/ Call 1-800-799-7233 • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Your voice matters. If you have additional resources that have helped you, please share them in the comments below – together we can create a network of support for everyone who needs it.
Have you dealt with a narcissist and the silent treatment? Your story could help someone else recognize the signs or feel less alone. Share your experience in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so.
Remember: You deserve love that feels safe, not chaotic. You deserve respect, not manipulation. You deserve healing, and it’s possible.
If you have suffered from the narcissist and the silent treatment and have more questions about narcissism and the effects, check out the links below:
The Hidden Meaning Behind the Narcissist Eyes
Why Do Narcissists Want to Hurt You: The Truth Behind Their Manipulative Behavior
How to Expose a Narcissist Safely Without Falling Into Their Trap
What Does Narc Mean? A Deep Dive into Narcissism and Its Impact on Relationships
Dealing with a Narcissist at Work: 9 Survival Strategies to Protect Your Sanity and Career
How to Shut Down a Narcissist: 7 Powerful Responses to Silence Them
Narcissistic Traits in Males: 12 Disturbing Signs You Can’t Ignore
Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists? The Truth About Their Self-Perception and Denial
How Does the Narcissist Feel When You Move On: The Shocking Truth They Don’t Want You to Know!
Are Narcissists Evil or Products of Their Past?
Narcissist Love Bombing: How to Spot the Signs Before It’s Too Late
40 Eye-Opening Narcissist Quotes That Reveal How Narcissists Think and Manipulate
What Causes Narcissism: Find Out About Its Origins
10 Empowering Signs You’re Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Things Narcissists Say: 18 Classic Phrases That Reveal Their True Personality
The Toxic Dynamics of a Narcissistic Family: How Control and Silence Keep the Cycle Alive
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Everything You Need to Know
Can a Narcissist Change for the Right Woman? Why Love Alone Isn’t Enough to Fix Them
Understanding and Overcoming the Long-Term Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
How to Break Up with a Narcissist: The Step-by-Step Guide to Leaving Without Losing Yourself
How Are Narcissists Created: Uncovering the Deep-Rooted Causes of Narcissism
The Stages of Narcissistic Abuse Explained and How to Break the Cycle
