Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling confused, blamed, or drained, without knowing why? And at the same time thinking I’ve heard this somewhere before.
The things narcissists say have a pattern of repeating and you may have heard the same thing see the things narcissists say is a common language for them.
The things narcissists say are designed to be used as tools to manipulate and control their victim. To enable them to drain their victim of the supply they desire.
That is why narcissists say the things narcissist say to gain the control they need.
Narcissists need control and lack any empathy towards anyone or anything. So it is like a robot overtaking your thoughts so that they can control your every move and decision. While fully devoting yourself to their happiness.
I want you to see the 18 phrases narcissists commonly use to manipulate their victims and see the decoding of their tactics as we analyze the things narcissists say.
As you read this I encourage you to remember phrases that your narcissist said and share them to see how many common phrases they share in their manipulation tactics.
Why Narcissists Use Predictable Phrases
Things narcissists say are pattern based. Repetition helps the manipulation process along, if the things the narcissists say are in a repetitive pattern it is memorized by the victim as a fact rather than just the things the narcissists say randomly. So it must be true.
The things narcissists say are phrases that often deflect any type of blame, confuse, or gaslight or a combination to really hit their manipulative point home. It can even end up securing even more admiration from the victim.
Things narcissists say create Power dynamics: They use words as their weapons to punish their victims and enslave them. Things narcissists say are used to reinforce superiority of themselves and the victimhood of their prey.
The things a narcissist says has one goal: Keep others off-balance. You can’t have self confidence when they create self-doubting, or are overly focused on the narcissist’s needs. If you are focused on them you can not focus on yourself.
18 Classic Things Narcissists Say
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
What this actually translates to is: Oh, crap you caught me on my crap, and now I need to gaslight you into feeling guilty for the accusation and no I’m not responsible for what I did. I just need to make you feel bad for accusing me of it.
This statement is used to cover up whatever made you feel bad. This way they are in the right and your feelings are now wrong????? WTF just happened. Your feelings are never wrong they are the way you feel and that is completely normal
You totally want to explain your feelings but it will be to a brick wall a narcissist doesn’t understand emotions. You need to take a minute and then explain it like you are talking to a toddler. If they still don’t understand then it’s the red flag you thought you saw.
2. “I never said that.”
Ummm yes they did, but now it’s time to cover the tracks of accountability. If you will believe I didn’t actually say that then it just gets swept away and I don’t have to answer for it. You just feel less mentally stable.
The narcissist says this because if they can get you to believe that they didn’t actually say what they said then you feel like they are perfect again and you are in the wrong. What will you do to make up for this?? The narc just found a new supply they didn’t know they had.
This is actually the time that recording conversations is great. When you can prove to them they are wrong and they did actually say that. It now only helps you in your confidence that NO you’re not crazy they did say it. They just lie to manipulate you. And you just proved them wrong.
3. “You’re imagining things.”
You’re not imagining it, you are remembering it. But you are remembering that the narcissist is an ass, which isn’t doing well for their ego. So they need to convince you that you are wrong otherwise they aren’t perfect.
They need to undermine your perception and cause self doubt in your thoughts. Otherwise you might figure out how fake this person really is. If that happened that would destroy their whole world.
You need to actually call them on this, again record whatever you can. Show proof. This isn’t going to convince them, they are so lost you can’t save them at this point. What this does though is prove to you that no you didn’t imagine it. It really did happen. And keep your self confidence in tact.
4. “You’re just jealous.”
Jealous??? Kind of, I mean the narcissist is probably promoting jealousy to manipulate you, and promote insecurities in you so that they gain more control. But I’m not sure that jealousy is actually what it is. Manipulated definitely.
What they are actually doing is shifting blame so that you now have negative feelings and they get to feel good about themselves again. You now feel bad for what they did. And they are perfect right??
This is a hard one to respond to. You honestly need to seem like it doesn’t phase you., in order to reclaim your power. But you want to scream and cry. You are way better than whatever they are presenting, you just need to know you are enough.💜
5. “Everyone agrees with me.”
What this actually means is “Don’t ask anyone because if they hear this they will think I’m crazy, so just believe me.” They need you to believe this not test their theory. Then their true colors would show.
The narc uses this statement to get you to believe their delusional jury of imaginary people that actually would agree with them. I mean I can ask my barbie dolls and they would all have my opinion too
To respond to this one honestly I would ask who and then ask them personally. I never had this courage when it was happening to me. Mine even told these statements to the judge in our divorce hearings. That was when it really hit home and I needed to start calling it out.
The thing that amazed me the most is the fact that the judge would believe this. It was bad enough that I believed it throughout our relationship. But now I actually had to show proof to a court that we were both being manipulated.
6. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
You’re sorry I feel this way??? Why are you not sorry you made me feel this way???? Seriously this is not an apology this is making me feel bad for feeling bad because you made me feel bad.
They need you to really feel worse for having feelings. Because if you actually accepted these feelings you’d realize how horrible this person is in your life. And you might actually realize all the lies.
This one you actually do need to ask them. Are you sorry you made me feel this way? When you hear the BS answer, take a minute and realize they are just gaslighting you again. They are not going to take responsibility no matter how they phrase it.
7. “You’re overreacting.”
You are reacting and they can’t handle the reality check they are seeing. If the truth comes out their game is over. This would shatter the image you have of their perfection. So let’s belittle reality and make their story the feature.
If they can convince you that you are overreacting, then you learn not to react. This means they can do what they want when they want and they have no consequence. You have learned not to react to their bad behaviors.
The ultimate response would be seriously you did the crime now you face the time, but honestly I still can’t say that to my narc. But at least I can grow the attitude that backs that statement and the more you can feel that statement in you the stronger you feel.,
8. “After all I’ve done for you…”
They are trying to get you to feel indebted and guilty for accepting less than normal human behavior from them. In their mind they think that a subhuman action like returning a phone call deserves media coverage and an award of some sort.
All they are trying to do is get you to feel guilty and loyal for them treating you like crap. And now you are thankful to be treated like crap. To be acknowledged at all. This gets you to be their loyal supply. You are just thankful to be in their presence.
WAKE UP! You deserve so much more than they are giving you. And you do not owe anyone but yourself loyalty. This is like saying thank you for hitting me, I needed that. You are being mentally beaten up right now and do not need to say thank you.
9. “You’ll never find someone like me.”
This is the statement that makes you stay. You actually start believing this is the best you can ever have. They need you to believe this otherwise you might call the on their crap and get away and then how would they survive.
The narc needs you, you deserve so much better, and they know it. But they can’t let you know that otherwise where would they be? A lonely grumpy loser that no one wants. And they deep down know you are the only thing keeping them as who they are.
What you should be saying is THANK GOD!!!!! If you never meet someone who can treat you this poorly and expect praise for it than thank every higher power that there be! You are worth so much more and if you never get treated this poorly again, than I am thankful💜
10. “You made me do it.”
What they are really doing is shifting the blame. They did it. Everyone knows they did it. But they want you to take responsibility for their actions. If they rob a bank are you going to tell the judge you did it, you just used your partner’s body to pull it off.
You can not make anybody do anything they don’t want to.Much less force somebody to do something. You did not hold them at gun point and make them treat you badly. They chose to do what they did, and they need to be responsible for their actions.
When they tell you that you made them do it. Ask where and when you held them at gun point and forced them to do whatever it is they did. Then realize that they made the decision to be a bad person you just chose to put up with it.
11. “I’m the victim here.”
The narc is trying to get you to feel bad for the fact that they hurt you. If you feel like you hurt them they gain sympathy and you forget why you’re mad at them. They just got away with what they did and you feel bad for them, not yourself you remember the actual victim.
This keeps them from being accountable for their actions by now focusing on how they were the victim, not how they were the abuser. They actually want you to feel bad for what they did and their bad decisions.
When you are confronted with this one you need to really ask who forced you to make that decision? Because if you made the decision you’re not the victim, you’re just the one that was dumb enough to do what you did.
12. “I guess I’m just a terrible person then.”
This is used to silence your criticism of their bad behavior. A narc will use this sarcasm to make you think you’ve made them feel bad enough for what they did. But in reality they just don’t want to hear about it.
This is used as a manipulation to get you to stop talking to them about whatever they did. If they say this comment than obviously they feel bad for what they did right? A normal person would. But a narcissist just wants to end the conversation.
The easiest way to respond to this one is by explaining very clearly that is not what you said. You were talking about what they did and how it impacted you, not about them being a terrible person but just making a mistake you’re hoping to avoid in the future.
13. “Why can’t you let the past go?”
The narc doesn’t want resolution or accountability for the harm they caused. This is how they get you to turn the page without them having to be accountable for what they did.
They know what they did hurt you and manipulated you and it worked for wha they were trying to accomplish. But now they don’t need you figuring out that they have a pattern, so lets just forget it happened and move on.
The way to address this is to explain that we can move on and let the past go once we actually talk about it and make sure that this is not a repetitive thing. And to be sure that we both understand what happened and how to avoid it.
14. “No one else has a problem with me.”
This is a common statement to make you feel like the isolated problem. If no one else has a problem it must be my issue right? The narc wants you to believe you are the problem not them. Not only are they convincing you, they will convince others if needed.
They need to be perfect and so they can’t have a flaw. This makes them appear flawless, because they now made it that you are the problem. It just turns the table as to who has the actual problem,
The fact of the matter is no one was asked if they had a problem with the narc. You just called them on their crap and they don’t want to be accountable. I would ask them directly, really? Let’s ask a few people their opinion then.
15. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
This statement is designed to make you feel dependent on the narc. It devalues you, making you think that you are lucky to be able to put up with being abused. They need you to want them. They can’t survive without you, so you can’t leave them.
The narc knows you can do better, be happier, but not with them and the way they treat you. So they need you to believe that you need them, not the reality that they wouldn’t survive a day without all you do for them and the supply you provide.
The response to this one is Your right I am lucky to see you for who and what you really are and the patterns of abuse. I was lucky to learn this lesson from you but now I’m lucky enough to walk away from being treated like this, because I can do way better than you.
16. “I’m just being honest.”
What this is honestly used for is to be able to get away with saying something that is probably not true, but a manipulation to demean you with unfiltered and probably unneeded and unwarranted insults.
This is used to be able to criticize you and make you feel bad for something that probably was just fine, but if you believed it was just fine you would have more power than your abuser, because you might become confident.
A good response. As long as we’re being honest I really don’t like the way you demean me. If you were being honest you could do it as constructive criticism when I make a mistake, not just an unneeded and unwarranted insult.
17. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
What this really means is you just outsmarted the narc, but they don’t want you to know it, nor do they want you to grow any confidence. That would destroy their mission.
They use this statement to make you second guess yourself and your knowledge. If they say it they must know more than you right? This will keep you coming to them for this problem every time and they will be making the decisions in this area forever more.
The way to respond to this is by fact checking. We all have a phone with the internet. Check the facts and then show them that you were correct and did know what you were talking about. They are the fool who needs to learn more before speaking.
18. “You’re crazy.”
This is my favorite. They need you to believe you are the problem. A narcissist believes they are flawless. So they need you to be convinced you’re crazy so that their flaw isn’t real. It’s just some crazy thing you made up.
They need you to be the one with a problem not them. If you’re crazy how would you confirm or deny this especially if you only have their opinion. I went in for mental health help multiple times thinking I was crazy because he said so. I was just fine each time.
There is no good response to this statement. I would only recommend saying ok, then I think I should see a counselor/therapist. Then start getting help to get away from narcissistic abuse, and start your healing journey.
How to Protect Yourself from Verbal Manipulation
The first step is to understand what you are living with and recognize the patterns. Keep track of them in a journal and seek help and guidance to ensure you have the needed support.
Set boundaries that keep you from engaging in these verbal traps of manipulation. Be prepared to respond to the common statements and step away and take a minute for the unexpected or odd ball things that come about.
The biggest supply a narcissist can get from you is an emotional reaction. This just fuels their fire. Try to detach emotionally from their abuse, it will take time to fully emotionally detach but it does come to you as you realize what they are doing.
Don’t try to heal alone. Therapy, support groups, or a trusted friend that can see what you’re going through are game changers in healing. Even online just looking at videos and websites can give you that energy to push you towards healing.
Know when it’s time to go. If you can not protect your mental health in the relationship. It’s time for the relationship to end. Not all relationships are repairable, especially when someone is not about to take accountability for their actions or words.
We’ve covered 18 of the most common things narcissists say. And there is a pattern: most things narcissists say are manipulative ways to devalue you and make you think you are more dependent on the narcissist than they are on you.
Things narcissists say are used as tools to get you to believe them to gain and maintain control of you. They feed on the emotional turmoil this causes in you. Like a sick and twisted child trying to get a response.
You are amazing! If they can’t see it and say it, then it’s time to find someone who can. Negativity from a narcissist will eat away and your self love. Rebuilding it can not start until you get away from it. And honestly you will then begin to see how amazing you are.
I covered 18 of the most common but obviously not all of their one liners. Do you have more you’ve heard? How did you respond? How do you wish you would have responded? Have you heard these before? What worked or didn’t work?
If you recognize these signs or feel trapped in a narcissistic relationship, please know that you’re not alone – and it’s not your fault.
Your healing journey matters, and support is available. Visit themarymcconnell.com for free educational resources, recovery tools, and a community of survivors who understand exactly what you’re going through.
For immediate help: • National Domestic Violence Hotline:https://www.thehotline.org/ | Ca
ll 1-800-799-7233 • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Your voice matters. If you have additional resources that have helped you, please share them in the comments below – together we can create a network of support for everyone who needs it.
Have you dealt with a narcissist? Your story could help someone else recognize the signs or feel less alone. Share your experience in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so.
Remember: You deserve love that feels safe, not chaotic. You deserve respect, not manipulation. You deserve healing, and it’s possible. 💙
Looking for more guidance on narcissism and recovery from narcissistic abuse? Explore our collection of expert articles on recognizing toxic patterns, healing, and reclaiming your confidence. Start your journey to empowerment and emotional freedom with these helpful blog posts.
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