Narcissistic abuse’s affect on a person is like an acid that slowly eats away at who you are and what you believe. It eats away parts of your mind, your heart and your soul. It can take decades to regrow what the narcissistic acid eats away from its victims.
Most of the time the long term effects are overlooked. Everyone is so relieved to be out of the situation, that we forget what we have been programmed to believe while we were being abused. We may have escaped, but it takes years to emotionally recover.
You are so much stronger than you even know. Walking away takes more courage than can ever be given credit for. You are a fighter and you are smarter than the narcissist has ever given you credit for. Yes I know this is hard to believe but it’s true. Let me explain.
##### What does narcissistic abuse do to you?
Narcissistic abuse is emotional, mental, financial, verbal, sexual, violent. Any type or combination of abuse that’s intent is to dominate and control the victim. It is the process of demeaning and devaluing someone to the point they feel indebted for the abuse they are allowed to receive.
Ok that is a dramatic explanation but in truth it is the pattern of a person who love bombs to draw you in, devalues you to make you feel less of a person, discards you making you want nothing more than them back in your life, then repeats the cycle. Lessening your value each time.
Narcissists always think they are perfect, they will only admit fault if it results in sympathy and attention. Everyone needs to know how amazing they are and they feel they are entitled and deserving of everything. The word no, is not an option to them.
Victims are programmed in a relationship to see the narcissist as the superior being the one in control and the only one capable of decision making. If you are to challenge their authority you will be punished usually with the silent treatment.
Narcissists are masters at rewording and rephrasing statements and events. They are masters of using the shiny object technique. They may start an argument over here between two people to take the focus off of them and whatever they are about to called out.
What are the signs that someone has suffered from narcissistic abuse? And the Long-Term Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
##### 1. The Psychological and Emotional Toll
While you may not experience all symptoms to a full extent, be aware that these symptoms are very common. I was personally diagnosed with these and others after abuse and from personal experience I am glad I was aware of these to be able to discuss them.
C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder): This is a long lasting effect It is flashbacks, nightmares, deja vu. Unfortunately you developed coping maneuvers during abuse and these are fall backs, but catch yourself and find a new way to handle it.
Anxiety & Depression: You have been put down and mentally put through the ringer. It’s hard to tell up from down, what’s right and what’s wrong. You are going to feel nervous and anxious, everything is new and it’s a good new.
The depression is because you are leaving what is familiar and comfortable, like your blanket when you were a child if it was coated in fleas and you had to get rid of it. You’d still be sad and that’s ok to more what was good in the relationship.
Low Self-Esteem & Self-Doubt: The narcissist has had to demean you the entire time to get you to believe you were down to their level. Now you are starting to realize you are way above them but you think you’re at their level. It takes time but you will find your balance.
Shame & Guilt: We as victims have been taught that only the narcissist’s feelings and needs matter. But now all of a sudden we are able to address our own needs and we were taught that we should feel shame for this, but we should be proud to take care of ourselves.
##### 2. The Cognitive Impact: How Narcissistic Abuse Rewires the Brain
Gaslighting & Cognitive Dissonance: This is why you feel confused and not able to trust your own judgement. You have been led on so many manipulated journeys throughout the relationship, some days you’re not even sure who did what.
Decision-Making Difficulties: During your relationship can you recall one decision you made that you were told was a good one? I’m sorry and not one that they took credit for in public. This made you feel like you couldn’t make decisions. But it was you all along, they just take credit for the good ones.
Negative Thought Patterns: You were told during your abuse that you were not worth it. It’s your job now to remind yourself you are more than worth it. Your narcissist wasn’t worth you is the real fact.
##### 3. The Physical Consequences of Long-Term Narcissistic Abuse
Chronic Stress & Fatigue: Do you ever notice how you feel constantly on edge or just worn out? It's almost like a cycle. We were trained to be in survival mode with the narcissist. Our body is doing its natural response, resting and then waiting for orders.
Autoimmune Disorders & Health Issues: Clinical studies are now linking immune disorders and other heath issues to being an effect of narcissistic abuse. The prolonged drain on the body by the emotions is actually causing physical damage.
Sleep Disturbances & Nightmares: This links back to PTSD and CPTSD. What you went through is not ok and you are going to relive it but realize you are watching it, not living it this time, and you are learning from it.
##### 4. Relationship Struggles After Narcissistic Abuse
It’s going to happen you are going to have to trust again and yes it is going to take time. And that is ok. It’s ok to be cautious. You've been hurt and manipulated. You are expecting it to happen again and it might be cautious but learn to trust again for yourself.
The hard truth is you will fall for the same toxic personality. It is what feels like love because it’s what you thought love was for so long. That’s not your fault but if it feels familiar, run.
I personally best friended a narcissist and then dated and thought I was in love with one, within the first year after leaving my marriage. Not my proudest moments but definitely learned some major lessons.
After you leave abuse you go into one of two directions either 1. I can do this all on my own and don't want anyone. Or 2. I need you (friend/family member) by my side and I’ll take care of you. You will probably ultimately experience both in your healing journey.
Do you ever fully recover from narcissistic abuse?
Steps to Recovery - Reclaiming Your Life
Now that you can recognize and identify the toxic traits of the abuse, that is the first step in reclaiming your life. You know you can see the red flags that you thought were just a part of a relationship. This is a huge first step. Be proud.
After what you’ve been through and as you work through things you are able to set boundaries. These are healthy. It’s like building a fence around yourself for your protection, I’m not saying build a wall, but a picket fence is good.
There are so many different therapies now and I think each person needs to find what works best for them. I personally did CBT. DBT, NLP, and Hypnotherapy which ultimately lead me to become a hypnotherapist.
I would not say there is one therapy that works for everyone. I think each person needs to follow what is helping them the most towards feeling like themselves again and feeling a sense of confidence. Looking into everything. It’s only weird if it doesn’t work.
The most important part of healing is self healing. Journaling, meditation, listening to a playlist. Whatever it is for you that helps you work through your experiences is what you should be doing.
One of the biggest game changers is a support group and building a community of like minded individuals whether it’s online or in person. Finding people that understand you and your experiences helps to heal.
Moving Forward: Reclaiming Your Identity
The first step to reclaiming your identity is to find your identity. You have been the identity of the narcissist, the other half they have controlled all decisions. It's time for you to start making decisions. Small ones like too many pillows on the bed just because you want to.
It takes time to find a healthy loving relationship. And give it time. You do not want to jump back into what you just got out of so be cautious and take it slow. And study up on red flags. If you see one sign you walk away now. Don’t try to justify it. That’s how it starts.
You will see yourself grow and start to overcome and forget the past and put it in it’s place “History” You’ve learned from it and now it’s time to start celebrating you and all the personal growth you are going through. Embrace it and celebrate you.
Final Thoughts
You’ve already done the hardest part, you left the narcissist, now you are beginning to understand what you’ve been through and what steps to take to move towards healing. You are so much stronger and smarter than you even know.
Continue on a path of self healing and self discovery and follow what you think is the right decision. It is up to you now and only you. Do what makes you happy.
You are not alone. I have been there as have many others. And we are all here for each other. It is a difficult journey but the reward in the end of finding your true happiness is more rewarding because of all the work you did on your own. I’m proud of you.
If you are feeling this message I encourage you to seek help in whatever form is the most comfortable for you. But I also encourage you to share your story and ask for help and guidance and I ask that you respond to others to provide a supportive community.